8/8/15

The more I think about how I feel as if Grandpa is stealing my safe place from me, the more it makes sense. That is why I have been feeling so hurt. When Hayley and I would go there we didn't have a care in the world. There was no abuse. There was no one yelling. It was the most peaceful place in the world! We would just sit there and stare at it for hours. I'll never forget our discovery one time, they turn the lights at the temple at 11 pm. It might sound weird, but when those lights go off and all you can see is the city behind it, it is magical!

As I think about how special that temple is to me, the thought of Grandpa going in there feels like he will taint it! It would be easier if he actually changed his ways. When he was baptized and he was sober he was the amazing Grandpa that I remember from hen I was little. Back before he drank so much. That Grandpa was so much easier to love and to forgive. As he has slipped back to his old habits my feelings about him has changed as well. I can't help but think he will never change. Yes, he got baptized, but his heart wasn't in it. Nothing in his life has changed at all. All of this would be so much easier if he really did change. If that nice, wonderful, sober Grandpa was going to the temple I would have no problem with that! Unfortunately, no matter how blind everyone else is, I can see the truth. It's as simple as when he is sober he is nice, when he drinks he is rude and selfish. It makes it so much hard.