8/28/15

Last night while on my bike ride I had a series of thoughts that lead to me remembering something. I was thinking about my (possible) up coming hysterectomy. It reminded me when I got my wisdom teeth out when I was 16. I was taking the prescribed pain killers and I kept throwing up. Finally Hayley told me to stop taking the prescription and take something over the counter instead. I instantly stopped throwing up and wasn't in much pain either.

At 16 I knew something had to be done with the prescription. If I did not dispose of them then Grandma would steal them and take them. I took them and flushed them down the toilet. A day or two later Grandma asked me where the prescription was. Needless to say, she was not happy with me when I told her I flushed them!

I find it interesting the things I forget, or maybe I'm purposely blocking out as I get older. Up until last night I didn't remember at all Grandma's pill addiction. I remember how depressed she was and how she wasn't there for me at all, but not the pills.

I often forget how sad my world was growing up. How sad it is that at 16 I knew I had to get rid of a prescription painkiller so that my Grandma wouldn't steal them. And at 7 I knew that I needed to hide my emotions about being sad my mom died! The other day I was thinking about how odd that is that I didn't cry and no one thought anything about it. Em is almost 6, 13 months away from the age I was when my mom died. I can't imagine Brad dying and her not crying about it. If she didn't I would think something was majorly wrong and try to fix it. It boogles my mind that I reacted the way I did to my mom's death and no one either noticed, or cared or did anything about it.