8/8/15

I was handling thing pretty well up until now. Now I am going to sit here and cry because there is nothing else I can do about it.

Sometimes I think, God must REALLY hate me! He likes to see me suffer so very much, it must be so amusing to him! With all the trials I faced growing up I thought that my adult years would be pretty smooth. Boy was I wrong. I've dealt with infertility, financial problems, Brad losing his job twice, foreclosed on our home and the list goes on and on.

Finally just before our 10th anniversary things were looking up. We wanted to celebrate by going a cruise, but that wasn't feasible. Plan B was a weekend trip to Salt Lake City. My sister-in-law volunteered to watch our kids, we were going to get a nice hotel, eat at nice restaurants, for the first time in a LONG time enjoy ourselves, especially without children.

About 5 weeks before our anniversary we were on our way home from spending Easter with my family and our truck broke down. Fixing the truck drained every last penny we had. Plan C became my friend watching our kids overnight while we went out to dinner at a mediocre restaurant and came home a slept in our own bed.

3 months later our truck broke down again! At one point we had no functioning cars whatsoever!!! We got my husband's car fixed, but now the truck needed a whole new engine. It took us 5 months to come up with the money, but we finally got it fixed yet again. As you can imagine we didn't have money to celebrate our 11th anniversary either.

Just a few days ago we came up with a plan to celebrate our anniversary in Feb even though our anniversary is in May. I planned everything out. I was SO excited and so optimistic about it. We were actually going to do this. I might have to work my butt off, but hey we have 6 whole months to save for it.

Wanna guess what happened yesterday?!?!?!? Yes, our truck, with a almost brand new engine in it, broke down AGAIN. Saying I was upset is an understatement. As we drove to tow our truck home all I could think was, God hates me!!! The initial upsetness about it quickly went again and I was actually okay with the whole situation. My husband thought he figured out the problem and fixed that, but it still won't start!

Just now I went to message my friend back about her watching my kids while I'm in counseling. We aren't really close friends, she is Em's best friends mom and she doesn't know that I'm in counseling. I was already feeling stressed about trying to work counseling into my schedule with Em starting school soon. I have no idea what time she will be going to school or will be done, I need to make sure I'm not in counseling when I need to pick her/ drop her off. Now I have to factor in the fact that we will only have 1 car again for who knows how long!!! So as I was trying to figure out what to say to this lady about watching my kids I lost it. I can't help but sit here and cry.

Why can't things do right in my life for more then 6 months? Trying to work full time myself AND juggle only have one car was crazy enough. Now I get to throw in taking Em to and from school and counseling! Are you kidding me? I can't help but wonder how on earth I'm going to do it. Also, there goes our trip!!!