In my first session with Grace I brought up everything about Grandpa. How he was an alcoholic, joined the church, everyone thinks he's perfect. Then the sobbing happened. I mean, it was the intense crying that you can't even breath, let alone talk! It took me a minute to work out the words, He's going through the temple. Even just typing that the tears are flowing.
I do not feel like I need to stop this or I'm responsible for anything. If Grandpa truly feels worthy to go to the temple then it is his own problem.
However, I still feel deeply hurt. As a teenager the temple was Hayley and I's safe place. It was our peace and comfort. Now, the thought that the person I was getting away from and all the pain he inflicted on me, he is going inside my safe place.
Now that I have had time to process things I think that is exactly why I am feeling so hurt and betrayed about him going to the temple. He is going into MY safe place. The one place that he couldn't hurt me in, the place that brought me peace to his turmoil. He is going inside it. Not that I fear he will verbally abuse me inside the temple, it's the fact that for so many years that was my get-away from him and I'm left feeling like he is stealing that from me.
Grace asked if I could talk to Grandma about my feelings, no. She flip flops. Some days she will confide in me and talk about his drinking and his abuse. Other days she will deny it and defend him. Grace pointed out how that is classic abusive relationship behavior. Ever since he decided to get baptized she sides with him and defends him. She views him as this "perfect Mormon".
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