I've had a year to think about it. There's a part of me that wants another child, but my husband doesn't. He has always said that IF we have another it would have to come out of me. Even though I have no plans of ever doing any fertility treatments again, a hysterectomy makes it very final that we will never ever have a biological child. Even though we have 11+ years of not being able to conceive even with help, it is still hard to come to terms that if I go through with it then there is a 0% chance of ever getting pregnant. I know, right now there is most likely already a 0% chance I ever will, but there is always that small glimmer of hope. Just maybe, one day we will magically conceive a miracle baby.
A year ago I was so okay with that. Now I need to let myself be sad that I will be closing that door. I keep reminding myself that it is okay, and totally normal, to be sad. I remind myself that it is for the best. Would I rather hold on to this crazy idea that maybe, someday I might get pregnant naturally OR no longer have to worry about my dangerously unhealthy cycles, painful cramps and painful cysts? It really is a no brainier. I WANT a hysterectomy. I need it. I already know it will be worth it. Yet, I keep putting off actually doing anything about it. Every time my cycle starts and I can't get it to stop, or I have painful cysts a lot I reach the point that I am done and ready for a hysterectomy. Maybe for now I will wait it out until I hit that point again.
My Pros and Cons:
Pros-
- No more cycles
- can stay on anti-depressant medication
- No more cysts (as long as they take my ovaries)
- Won't get anemic anymore due to my cycles
- Can keep exercising
- No more cramps
Cons-
- Financially
Yep, totally worth it!
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