11/29/09

I still have 5 days until I meet with James again. I am just now doing my homework for the first of 3 times I need to have done by then. It is once again Sunday and I'm dreading going to church. I actually love church but my calling is killing me. Seriously the thought of one more week of tell the wall a story about how a little boy was embarrassed by the woman's shoes he had to wear to church, but no one noticed (I so wish I was exaggerating here) is not appealing! I know they are 5 and they don't pay attention or listen, but I personally need something spiritual out of church! I'm always covering for all the other classes and it's time I get a break.

This morning after hours of not being able to sleep I finally got up and flipped open my scriptures. It's been such a long time, not counting when I attempt to read a verse or two to 5 year olds that are running around the room. It has flashed me back to my senior year in high school. I was probably one of the most spiritually strong 18-year-olds you'd ever meet. That is how I got through all the abuse. My senior year I read the entire Book of Mormon, all of D&C and I started reading the Bible. Growing up outside of Utah I had "early morning" seminary for 2 1/2 years. My Junior year half way through the year we got a new seminary teacher and she was horrible. Not really a bad teacher, but mean. I was one of 2 or 3 girls in the class, majority of the time I was the only one there and she didn't like girls! Seriously, she flat out told us that she didn't. Luckily for me my school schedule was re-arranged and I could go to the afternoon seminary across town. My senior year I was able to take "senior seminary", the class was in the afternoon, but earlier then the afternoon class.That is how I met Sister Parker.  I actually skipped one of my classes once a week to make it to seminary. I graduated with "Honors" that year. To get honors you had to read all of D&C (or whatever book you were studying that year), memorize all the scripture masteries, have 100 % attendance and have read the scriptures every night (or something like that). It makes me sad looking back and how spiritually strong I was and now I have nothing.