I have a few things going on in my mind right now. Brad and I have been watching my parent's dog for a few days. I decided awhile ago that it was time to give Grandma the letter. I posted it here- and also added a bit more, which I updated on my original blog post. My Grandpa has no idea that anything went on and Grandma wants to keep it that way. So I wanted Grandma to have the letter, but I knew that if I mailed it no matter what I wrote on the outside, Grandpa would open it and read it. Although I am fine if he knows, I also know that since Grandma is keeping this secret from him it will cause more verbal abuse for her. Yes, drama drama drama.
So I waited until today to give it to her in person. We (Brad and I) are actually headed down to visit them Monday night, so I figured it was great timing. I put the letter out so I wouldn't forget and Grandma saw it and asked what it was. She stood there and read it right in front of me, I wasn't planning on that and to be honest, I felt awkward. When she was done she said she loved me and that she wanted to talk about "it" (my Grandpa was standing next to her). She was planning on talking to me about it last time I came down, but MacKenzie was with me so she didn't. Which is funny because my friend and I carried on a conversation about abuse for a good 20 minutes and she didn't say a word. I also thought she might not of because MacKenzie was there. So I am preparing myself for this trip and talking about "it".
Wow, the idea of talking to her about this just got to me. I'm nervous and scared! The last time she and I talked about abuse in person was almost 6 years ago. I was telling her about her awesome abusive jerk of a husband, about my cutting and that I was moving out. Whole nother story there. I told her about Jack over the phone and we have only talked about Jack since then one or two times, all over the phone. I'm really apprehensive, which if you've read my letter to her you can see why. Is she gonna want details? I don't think she can handle details! Sigh... now I have a day or so to stress about it!
-I'm sure I'll will post about what goes on. I stress easily and the reality that I just gave that letter to her is just sinking in!!!
Next Jack issue... I really want to talk to James about it and see what he has to say. It is really bothering me. It makes me angry and sad. When I was 14 I told someone, someone that I trusted, looked up to and admired, that Jack was doing stuff to me. How can an adult, let alone a teacher, read that a child is going through this and do NOTHING??!?!?!?!? Okay, just maybe I'm over reacting. But at the same time, if I ever read what I wrote I would at least make sure the parents are aware of it, cuz FYI mine were not!
This is what I wrote, "Jack liked me so if we were ever siting on the couch he would scoot over and if I moved over he kept scooting over. Then he would hug me and not let go and try to kiss me. Worst of all he would lay on top of me and try to make out with me and tell me to suck his thing."
Wow, is all I have to say. I do have current contact with this person and there are so many questions I have for them. First of all, did they even read that? That's the only reason I can think of that is why they didn't do anything. If they did read it, why not do or say or tell someone?!? I'm fighting the urge not to e-mail them and ask right now!
Then, oh wait, there is more... At church during sacrament meeting, a lady was talking about her kids and how special children are and she said "parents shouldn't abuse their children". Well, Bishop E gave me a funny look and starred at me for easily 10 minutes! What's a nice way to tell him, please don't stare at me if someone says the word abuse because it makes me feel REALLY awkward? Because this is not the first time it has happened!
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