Grace and I talked about where I was at and what we have or haven't talked about. She pulled out a handout and started talking about it.
As she started explaining it made me think of this experience (here). Yep, still hadn't talked to her about that. I just started bawling. When she was done she asked what brought on those strong emotions. I finally told her about my thoughts and feelings from that night 6 weeks ago. I also told her about (this) night. Other than my husband, I think Grace is the first person I've told about that night out loud. Writing is so easy for me I don't even count it anymore, opening up and saying things out loud is a lot harder.
We talked about a plan for what to do with these thoughts come up again and who I could talk to. Which brought us to talking about my husband. He is great and wonderful and fully supportive of my counseling and doing whatever I need to do to deal with things. However, I think it is hard for him to just be supportive. I have so many strong emotions all the time, I'm sure it can be overwhelming.
My hormones are all over the place right now. Last Thursday I called my husband freaking out and crying because I took the wrong pain pill! So today once I started crying I couldn't make it stop! I seriously have the hormones of a pregnant lady right now!
There are times it still surprises me how easy it to for me to feel, process, show, and share my feelings and emotions. It was so hard for me when I first started seeing Joy 12 years ago. I stuffed all my feelings along with numbing them.
As we talked about me dealing with these feelings she asked if my husband was open to coming with me sometime, which he is. We are trying to see if he can get off work for our (my) next appointment. As I was leaving, still crying by the way, Grace asked if I was okay. She felt like we were at their weird place where I was still crying and she was sending me out the door. I reassured her that I was fine, it is just my crazy hormones right now. Seriously they are crazy and they are driving me crazy! She also suggested that watch a short video with my husband. I'll post about it soon, I think it is pretty funny!
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