10/31/15

As I was trying to fall asleep all of a sudden I started thinking about my mom's death. I realized that the date that she died on is 6 weeks away. I always struggle in the days leading up to that date. The day before and the day of I feel like everything makes me mad. Everything irritates me. I'm snippy, mad and angry. It took me a few years to figure out why I felt like that on that particular day. I didn't even realized what date it was or why I felt so mad for years.

Now each year I knows it coming. I try to convince myself that this year would be different. This year I won't be so mad and angry. Yet, year after year I am.

I am realizing that even though I've dealt with her death in counseling, and I'm pretty sure I've been in counseling on the anniversary of her death, I don't think I've ever faced the fact that I struggle so much on that day. Maybe here is my chance to do something about it.

As I have been writing I had noticed a pattern with the depression, this is the third time that I can pinpoint that I've been hit hard with the depression this time of year! Could it be that it is connected with her death? That my body just knows the anniversary of her death is coming so it shuts down like this?

I've looked back at journal entries to see if this theory is true. Get this:
2003, Oct- struggling with depression
I don't have much written for the next several years
2008, Dec- struggle with depression
2009, Oct and Nov- I didn't journal about a struggle with it, but I posted a lot of things about depression.
2012, Nov- I am pretty sure this was one of the years I remember it hitting me hard
2013, Nov- Again I didn't journal about it, but posted a lot about depression.
2014, Oct- struggling with depression
2015, Oct- struggling with depression

As I am realizing this I am shocked. How did I not notice this before? It makes so much sense!

I thought I had posted on here the story of her death, but I don't see it. I know I've written it down several times before, just not on here. I was planning on writing it, but now that I'm actually getting to that I am feel so self concious about it! Maybe another day.

I've had a day to let things sink in. As I was telling Brad my theory he asked if maybe I was thinking about my mom's death and thinking about it was bringin on the depression. I told him no I didn't think so. I thought about it later and came to the same conclusion. The depression hit hard 2 weeks ago and my mom's death never crossed my mind until last night. It seems so crazy to me that this pattern has been going on for so long and I'm just now realizing it. I went back through my journal entries from 2003. I went from June to October 25th without cutting, yet again at the end of October the depression was bad enough that I started cutting again!

Now that I think that this has to do with my depression it has brought on all this anxiety! I feel like my heart is racing all the time, along with my mind. It's like my body is completely freaking out with the thought of having to deal with my mom's death again. I'm sure my anxiety about dealing with it again is a sign that I really do need to!

I feel like the depression is getting worse each year, maybe it is just me now realizing it. Maybe it's the fact that I'm almost the same age she was when she died and Em is almost the same age I was when my mom died! It is crazy to think that in 2 1/2 years I will be the same age she was, Em will be the same age my sister was and Brax will be the same age I was when she died!

10/30/15

One thing that Grace asked me if I did was keep track of the depression up and downs. I have/ did when I was on Prozac and CeleXa, but haven't while on Wellbutrin. I figured it was time to jot these things down.

I came up with this for my ups and downs for while I've been on Wellbutrin, which I started in June.

My depression has always been so up and down! I remember being at rock bottom in 2001. I was able to pull myself out of it after my uncle died and make my way up to maybe 50% for a while. 2003 I was pretty close to rock bottom for almost a year. After moving out I felt fine for a long time, fine for me is probably a normal person's 50%. In 2008 I once again spend quite a while near rock bottom. I went back to feeling fine for a few years. I remember it hitting me again 2012 and being pretty off and on since then! 

Something else she had me do I was a Lifestyle Behaviors Questionnaire. It was interesting to see where I am at, where I struggle, and see what I could work on.

Negative behaviors I struggle with:

* Under eat- I almost forget this exists because it is so normal for me! After filling out the questionnaire yesterday I was really observant of my eating habits today. Breakfast- nothing. Snack- Fruit Snacks. Lunch- I eat a teeny tiny portion of food that I love and said, "I'm full." I really thought hard and realized, I'm not full, I'm simply tired of eating so I stopped. Dinner- I feel like I eat a normal amount. Just now I eat maybe 5 sweetarts. That's it. That is everything I eat today and that is a normal day! 

* Watch too much TV (more than 3-4 hours a day). If I don't watch any TV during the day, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, just at night I watch about 5 hours. I spend 95% of my day either on the computer, watching tv, or doing something on my phone, if not all three at once! 

* Withdraw from people. When the depression is bad I don't want anything to do with interacting with other people! It is even hard for me to open up to Brad. 

10/30/15

It's been an interesting past few weeks. Almost two weeks ago I woke up on a Saturday morning and didn't feel 100% (depression wise). I figured, it's just a bad day, I will feel better tomorrow. Sunday came around and I did not feel any better. Nothing had changed to bring this on, my medication didn't change, nothing was different so I couldn't figure out why I felt like that. By the end of Sacrament meeting I felt even worse, on my 0% being rock bottom and 100% being perfect, I felt like I was at 20%. Before Sunday School I went into the bathroom and cried, I felt so miserable. I didn't want to be at church, I just wanted to go home, go to sleep and just shut the world out. I pulled myself back together and went into class.

I kept having these thought in the days leading up to my appointment with Grace. I started questioning how well things were going with her. I even mentioned this to Brad and he said, "I thought things were going really well?". I kept thinking things like- things are going nowhere, it wasn't helping at all, maybe I should just give up on trying counseling for the depression all together, no one can really help me. I just now figured out why I was having these thought, the depression. It is crazy how it makes everything negative, dark, and hopeless. In reality I don't feel like that at all. 

So often I feel like I can mask the depression. Even if I'm at rock bottom, I try my hardest not to show it. I'm sure most people in my life can't even tell the difference. To prove my irrational thoughts  were wrong I kept thinking, I need Grace to see the difference in me. I told myself I'm not going to mask this right now. I need to face this. When I was seeing Joy over the summer I noticed that when I was in that deep depression I was much more timid and it is a lot harder to get me to open up. I was definitely feeling that way today. 

Yesterday Em's best friend's mom asked if I could watch her son. I told her I could, after all she said she would done around 12. That left 40 minutes until I needed to take Em to school, Brax to the sitter and then off to Grace's. As it passed 12:10 I was starting to feel more and more anxious.  I have crazy/extreme anxiety about being late. The closer and closer it got to 12:30 I grew more and more anxious. I started pacing around the living room. My stomach started churning. Then my alarm went off to remind me it was time to take Em to school. At this point I was in a full blown anxiety attack! My heart was racing and I was so sick to my stomach I thought I was going to throw up. All I could think was, I'm going to be late to drop Em off at school, then I'll be late dropping Brax off to be baby-sat and worse of all, I will be late to my appointment with Grace. I kept trying to remind myself that it wasn't the end of the world if I was late. That didn't work at all! I thought for sure I was going to lose my mind waiting for her to show up. I didn't have her cell phone number so I couldn't get ahold of her to find out what was going on. I even went through all our Facebook messages to see if she ever gave it to me, no. It got to the point that in 4 minutes I would actually be late for everything and she  finally got there! You'd think her getting there to pick her son up would stop my anxiety attack, nope. It wasn't until I sitting in the lobby waiting for my appointment, with 3 minutes to spare, that I started feeling better! 

I mentioned before I went in there trying for once not to mask the depression. One of the first things Grace said was I wasn't acting like myself and asked what was going on. I told her about how bad the depression has been and how I've been stuck there in this deep depression.

I don't even know where to start or how to describe how things went.

I realized that the thoughts I had a few days ago were the complete opposite of I really feel. Stupid depression!

As I was leaving Grace said something that reminded me of Sister Parker, it made me smile. At the same time I thought, "I haven't had to 'fight' anything since I moved out!" I was in this constant battle to not give in to the abuse. It could have been easy for me to stop fighting it, start believing everything he said and not let it hurt anymore. Fighting so much inner turmoil and negativity can be exhausting! I know it is going to be worth it and that I will be able to fight it.

Grace asked how I have handled the depression in the past. It was easy, I let it take over! I didn't fight it, then again when you aren't acknowledging it, it is hard to fight it. When we owned our house the depression was at it's worse. I slept all day, when I was awake I spent all my time either watching tv, playing on the Wii or on the computer, I withdrew from everyone and had a hard time believing the future could get better.

On my way home and as I waited for Brax at the baby-sitter's (she had to go get her son and didn't get back to her house until an hour later!)  I listened to 3 songs over and over again. They summed up how I was feeling and what I needed to remind myself. Even when you're broken, Try and Fight Song.

We've had this thick fog on the edge of town the past few days. Maybe it is because the fog reminded me of how I had been feeling over the past few weeks, but I was loving it. On my way to pick up Brax I went home and grabbed my camera. Once Em was out of school we went up where the fog was thicker to take pictures. 

Everyone faces trials

Today in Relief Society I realized I don't make comments in class anymore. For a long time I never did. As I got older the more I opened myself up I found that it was okay. There was no right or wrong comment. People weren't going to reject me for saying something. It got to the point that I even found myself making comments without freaking myself out about it first. It came naturally and easily.

Today as I sat there thinking, I want to, but I was too nervous to and never did, I realized why. There have been a few times over the past few years where my comments were met with negativity. The first time after making a comment the person teaching the lesson told me, it was wrong, it wasn't the comment she was looking for. I wasn't trying to answer a question, I was just expressing my thoughts and feelings. The last time I remember saying anything there was another negative response, so I stopped.

I have such a deep fear of rejection and people hating me. I found that if I don't open myself up I'm safe. I can't be rejected if I don't say anything. People won't hate me if I just sit there quietly.

What am I thankful for today:
I got new boots yesterday. Might sound silly, but we never spend much money on clothes so splurging and getting these boots was a big deal!

I love crafting, it makes me happy. Last night my husband watched a hockey game followed by a football game. By this point I was pretty board and decided to make a project I wanted for when we moved. 1 project became 4! I have a love/ hate relationship for when I start making things when we are moving. I love it, but it makes me even more anxious to move and decorate! 5 weeks to go and I still need to pack up 98% of my house!


Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease, by Elder David A. Bednar

10/23/15

It was something that Joy and I once discussed. We talked about it briefly, but only seeing her 3 times we didn't do a lot... I have no friends, no one I hang out with, no one I talk to, no one except Brad.

During our second session she wanted me to set up a playgroup for the summer and try to get out there socially. It failed miserably! I set it up, invited all the moms from my daughter's preschool and all the moms at church. No one came. Ever. Half way through the summer I gave up. It only made me feel even worse about myself sitting at these play groups all alone. 

With my depression one of the things I tend to do is isolate myself. At church during Relief Society I usually find a spot in the far back corner, as far away from others as I could possibly get.  Last Sunday I thought, I need to get out of this anti-social thing, it's not healthy. 

As Relief Society stated I sat on the end of a row that usually fills up fast. As others came in they all went past me, sitting as far away from as possible until the only empty seat was the one next to me. I couldn't help but think, is there something wrong with me? Do I smell? Is there something fundamentally unlikable about me?  The seat next to me remained empty for over half the meeting. By that time it was one of a few empty chairs.  

I feel like it is happening again today. My kids wanted to go to the park. Even though it's maybe 50 degrees out and I hate the cold, I took them. I sat alone on a bench watching my kids play. I didn't expect to sit next to or talk to anyone. A few minutes after getting there another lady from my ward got there with her kid. This was a lady I actually know. I was her son's primary teacher, we were visiting teaching partners for years and we have kids the same exact ages. She said hi and we talked for about 30 seconds before she went off and sat on a different bench with someone else. I sat there alone wondering, is it really just me who is convicted people don't like me or is it actually true? I mean how hard is it to say,  "I'm going to go sit with one of my friends, want to join us? ". So I'm sitting here alone, freezing, watching my kids play. They had fun, so it was worth it. 

It's hard not to get inside your own head. I'm sure not everyone doesn't like me. I'm sure there are some people who don't like me. That is just life. It's hard to try to convince yourself it's not true when all the signs point to it is.

Being alone is safe. No one can hurt me or reject me. It's comfortable. It's easy. At the same time it is lonely. 

10/20/15

The past few days have been filled with so many ups and downs. My emotions have been all over the place. Usually something happens to trigger this. This time it came out of nowhere.

Trying to find the right anti-depressant medication that works best for me has been hard. For so long Prozac worked wonders. After some time it felt like it was less and less effective. The past 18 months I've been off and on so many different ones, okay, only 3. When I started Wellbutrin I had an extreme low the first week on it. Then I was fine. A month later I had to switch brands of Wellbutrin and again the first week on it I experienced that extreme low. For the most part it has been great.

2 months ago I felt like I had finally taken all of my doctors advice for how to deal with the depression. 1) Medication 2) Counseling 3) Exercise.

I have never felt better than I did when I was doing all three of these. After my surgery I couldn't exercise like I wanted it. After 3 weeks of not being able too I've been feeling more and more bogged down. Maybe it's my hormones being out of whack after the surgery, I don't know.

For the past 3 days I could feel the depression getting worse and worse. I have really been struggling with it. One of the things I can't stop thinking about was something Grace said last week. Maybe I need to talk to my doctor about adjusting my medication. I didn't think much of it at the time, it has been working so well!  Grace also asked me when was the last time I read Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk, "Like a Broken Vessel". I have read bits and pieces of it recently, but not the whole thing for a long time. She suggested I read it.

Tonight as I again have been struggling I decided to watch it on YouTube. I watched it back to back 3 times. It was what I have needed to hear for the past few days.

Things that stood out to me:
"So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend"

"Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being... If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values."

"do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it! Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee."

I have been telling myself, 'One more month... give it one more month before going to a doctor about this. Maybe once I've gotten back to exercising I will feel better.' The past few days as I have thought about going back to my doctor to talk to him I have had this debating going on in my head, 'Do I see my regular physician that I've been seeing for the depression for almost 2 years now? Or, because I feel that my hormones are all out of whack since surgery and I feel it is effecting my depression should I talk to my OB about it?' After listening this this I feel like I need to talk to my regular physician, as I have mentioned before, is also a member of my Stake Presidency. Knowing my physician the way I do I feel more confident that he will know what is best for me.

10/17/15

We had to run to the store on our way to my Grandpa's birthday party. We went in, got what we needed and Brad kept going and looking at others things and was taking forever! We finally paid and were on our way out the doors when I noticed a man walking into the store right in front of us. I knew that I knew him right away, but it took a second to realized who it was... Bishop M.

We stopped to talk for a minute. He asked how I've been, really good. It's been many years since I have talked to him. He commented on how cute my kids are and it looked like things were going well for us. He again asked how things have been, great really great!

I told Brad what a crazy coincidence it was to run into him! A few days ago I realized I missed a bunch of journal entries to post on here from when he was my bishop and I started counseling. So just the other day as I was entering them in I was thinking about him.

It is kind of weird to think that essentially it was Bishop M who got me to where I am today! It felt so good to see him and be able to tell him that I am doing great! I wish I had time to tell him how drastically my life has changed in the past 12 years, how vital counseling has been in my life and everything else!

Many things had to happen when I was a teenager to bring me to a certain point to change. First, this day, that was the first time I opened up to him and started to trust him. Then this day when I started cutting, that day changed my whole life. When I told Hayley she told me I needed to tell Bishop M. Not only was she (still is) my best friend, we also grew up in the same ward and she had a closer relationship with Bishop M then I did, so she knew how important it was for me to talk to him. Of course when I did talk to him (here) he recommended counseling, which I eventually agreed to and it changed everything! I wouldn't be who I am today if I had not gone to counseling and he was the one who convinced me I needed to go!

10/16/15

I started thinking about this picture weeks ago on my way home after seeing Grace. I wrote about it, here, how I constantly dismiss positive compliments and such. Growing up everything was so negative I feel like I don't even know how to process positive things.

A few weeks ago while writing about this I wrote, "I used to love photography. It was my life. I loved photographing nature. While on a vacation I took a picture of a water lily that was in this bucket, I think we were at a zoo. A month of so later I submitted this picture I took into this high school photography contest for our school district. The picture got 3rd place in it's category. It might not sounds like it was much, but it was a big deal. Want to know one of the main things I remember about that, Grandpa  telling me, 'You should have picked that dead leaf off  before taking the picture.'"

I started looking for the picture, but could not find it. Last night I really started looking, I searched everywhere. I even looked to see if I had the negative I could get developed, no luck. This morning a thought came to me, maybe I printed a copy of it when I was in college. I was a Photography major in college, all 1 semester of it! If I did then it would be in my binder all of the photos I printed. I pulled them out and started flipping through them, then I found it! It's exactly like I remember, except the original was in color. As I recall the lily was purple and that pedal touching the water, it was a little brown, barely a different color from the lily. I didn't find it distracting or ruining the picture, it was nature. That's the story of my life, I win 3rd place in this major photography contest and my Grandpa's response is, "You should have picked the dead pedal off."

Looking at this I keep thinking, that pedal gives it character. If I had picked it off, it would just be this lily floating in the water, no big deal. Maybe it's just me, but every time I look at it, my eye goes straight to the pedal, it makes it more unique to me. It makes the whole picture, this pedal bending down, touching the water.

11/5/15
I found it! Now that I see it in color I feel even more confused, it looks perfect to me...

10/12/2015

Sometimes I wonder, maybe, just maybe because I don't like Grandpa I look for ways to prove I'm right. Maybe if I looked a little hard, dropped my judgement of him that he is this abusive jerk I might see the good in him.

Saturday I asked him a simple question, expecting a nice answer. Silly me, him be nice? Never, at least in his own home when others aren't around. Our family had just thrown him a birthday party. Everyone who lives in town came and we drove the 200 miles to be there. (okay, he wasn't the only reason why we went down. I mainly went to give my Grandma her ipad she forgot at my house because I didn't want to mail it and have something happen to it!) Back to Grandpa... It was a BIG birthday for him, he turned 80! There was dinner, cake, ice cream, presents, grandkids to play with. For some reason I thought, This was a nice party, who wouldn't enjoy it or appreciate it?

After we got back to their house I asked him, "Did you enjoy your party?". This was me trying to be friendly and not ignore him the whole time, trying to be positive and upbeat instead of looking for the negative. Grandpa, "Ehh. I mustered through with dealing with the family. At least the missionaries weren't there!" Seriously? I'm so glad I drove 200 miles to be with you when you had to muster through your party! I stood there and all I could think was, "He is such a jerk!" as I walked away.

I try with him, I really do, but I'm getting tired of trying when I know deep down it will get us nowhere!

I seriously want to say, "I give up!" I give up on even trying. I try to be nice, he's a jerk. Something never change.

Brad said something, which lead to us talking about Grandpa"s drinking. I asked him, "So, it's not just me that thinks he is still drinking and at times acts totally drunk? I'm not just seeing what I want to see?". Brad said he has seen it too and is convinced he still is. Heck, even Hayley once asked me if he was still drinking! I know, it's his problem. It's just sad is all. When he decided to get baptized and sobered up he was so nice. I had hope that things would change, which they didn't. Not long after his baptism he became rude again, which is what made us suspect he was drinking.

10/8/15

My medication (Wellbutrin) is working great. Now that I don't have to worry about my cycles anymore it so much less stress and I know it will no longer interfere with my meds.

Grace and I talked about where I was at and what we have or haven't talked about. She pulled out a handout and started talking about it.

As she started explaining it made me think of this experience (here).  Yep, still hadn't talked to her about that. I just started bawling. When she was done she asked what brought on those strong emotions. I finally told her about my thoughts and feelings from that night 6 weeks ago. I also told her about (this) night. Other than my husband, I think Grace is the first person I've told about that night out loud. Writing is so easy for me I don't even count it anymore, opening up and saying things out loud is a lot harder.

We talked about a plan for what to do with these thoughts come up again and who I could talk to. Which brought us to talking about my husband. He is great and wonderful and fully supportive of my counseling and doing whatever I need to do to deal with things. However, I think it is hard for him to just be supportive. I have so many strong emotions all the time, I'm sure it can be overwhelming.

My hormones are all over the place right now. Last Thursday I called my husband freaking out and crying because I took the wrong pain pill! So today once I started crying I couldn't make it stop! I seriously have the hormones of a pregnant lady right now!

There are times it still surprises me how easy it to for me to feel, process, show, and share my feelings and emotions. It was so hard for me when I first started seeing Joy 12 years ago. I stuffed all my feelings along with numbing them.

As we talked about me dealing with these feelings she asked if my husband was open to coming with me sometime, which he is. We are trying to see if he can get off work for our (my) next appointment. As I was leaving, still crying by the way, Grace asked if I was okay. She felt like we were at their weird place where I was still crying and she was sending me out the door. I reassured her that I was fine, it is just my crazy hormones right now. Seriously they are crazy and they are driving me crazy! She also suggested that watch a short video with my husband. I'll post about it soon, I think it is pretty funny!

10/6/15

Why is it that (almost) every time I try to go to sleep my mind decides it's a great time to think of all these different thoughts and ideas?

I've been going back in my blog post and fixing some typos. In going back through them I have been reading my post from the last time I was seeing James. I couldn't help but think, I'm doing better than I think I am!

Another thing I've noticed lately is that my blogging and posting on here goes in waves. Sometime I am constantly writing or designing new word art things and I LOVE it. Other times I feel too busy and don't write or design anything for months. I've also found when I am in counseling I am always posting on here. It seems to be the inbetween times that I slack off.

I'm going to finally say it out loud, I have such a huge fear of people judging me or looking down on me that I keep certain things secrtivice. One of those things is my spirituality and another is this blog!

A few weeks ago Hayley and her husband and kids came to visit. Her husband and I were talking about dealing with the death of a parent. He was more of the rebellious type. Anyways, he then says, "Hayley says you went in the opposite direction as me in dealing with that."  I didn't even know what to say. I'm pretty sure I just sat there staring at him. Why can't I admit out loud my love for the gospel? That it was the one thing that pulled me through for so many years? I have no problem writing it, but writing is so easy for me.

I'm not going to lie, I love this blog I have. I love writing and sharing and re-reading post from the past that I forgot that happened. Yet, I feel so self-conscious about it! Other then Brad I don't think any friends or family know this blog exists! When Hayley was over I was telling her how I no longer enjoyed my business full-time and I was taking a step back. I was excited that I've found my true passion in life (this blog), yet I couldn't come out and say it. Instead when she asked what that was, I said, "Oh just writing and doing graphic design." Out of anyone she knows 99% of the things I have written so it's not like I don't want her to know these things. I can't even explain WHY I feel so self conscious/ secretive about this blog and my spirituality, I just am! I think that's another reason why I don't use my name or other people's real names, because I'm so secretive about this! I even feel self conscious about people I know reading my family blog!

Another thing I have noticed in the past few weeks is how much I LOVE this blog. It makes me happy. Maybe it's the writing. Maybe it's the designing word art and quotes. Whatever it is, it has made me so happy lately. I feel like my depression is significantly better because of it.

10/1/15

Part of my homework with Grace from weeks ago, okay it's been over a month, was to come up with 10 positive attributes. and I had to be willing to accept them....

My first 2 were easy. But then again Grace pointed out that they are outward things, which seems so much easier.
1) Organized
2) Creative

Now to try to dig deep... It took me a few weeks but I was finally ready to accept it!
3) Emotional
I put this down in a good, healthy way. For so long I couldn't show or hardly feel emotions. Now I let them flow so freely and it feels amazing.

I have this deep fear of being judged/ rejected. My thought process is- If someone knows me and reads this blog then they will look at me negatively or judge me or want nothing to do with me!

I'm not a very talkative person, at all! If I'm in a group of people I'd much rather sit back and just listen then join in the conversation. If the situation is smaller and more personal I'm more likely to talk and open up. I've also found that people with very strong personality types intimidate me and it's harder for me talk, let alone open up to them or with them around.

So out of fear  of all those negative things, I don't tell anyone about this blog! I think 2 or 3 family members know about it. None of my friends, not even Hayley, know it exists. I feel like if I put it out there all these negative things will happen! I know that is crazy and if people do look at it negatively that is their problem. Still I let this fear stand in my way of opening up or sharing these things with others!

Over the past few days I've been going through every single post, all 842 of them and editing out pointless ones, catching typos and such. As I read some of my post I realized that I am more insightful than I give myself credit for! It has made me realize and accept my fourth attribute.
4) Insightful

I am a very deep thinker, which I think is why I'm so quiet and I'd rather observe a conversation then join in. I think it's thanks to all my experiences in counseling that I've learned to really dig deep into my feels and examine things more closely.

As I was telling Brad about this I realized that outwardly I don't seem "insightful". It mainly comes through in my writing.

10/30-
I was going through my binder of journal entries from 2003 to 2011 and I found something interesting. During Group #2 Ross told me how insightful I was and not from books but from my own life and observations. It was funny to read that a month after I realized/ accepted that I really am insightful!