After my previous post I wanted to find and read some old letters. Back in June of 2003 I went on a church history tour. My sister had gone the year before and had told me the "secret" that when you go to the Sacred Grove you get letters from your parents. She wrote me one too and gave it to me to take... It was one of the last days on the trip. It had been 2 weeks of bliss. I love church history, I was with one of my favorite people in the world, Sister Parker and I was away from home! I don't remember what thoughts went through my mind as the read the letters then, but dad's hit me during the testimony meeting we had that night. It was one of the things my Bishop and I talked about the night he recommended me to go to counseling. Tonight I wanted to read those letters and each of them left a sting, all for different reasons.
Grandma's "...I'm sorry I haven't been a better example to you... continue to study your scriptures, I know, I see your light on late you do read and study..." Ouch, lots of reason. Long story short, mom went in-active in the church when I was about 15. At this time she still was. She tried to get me to do things that were wrong and yelled at me for doing things that are right. I'll leave it at that.
Sister's "...I also want you to know how much I love you. I have not been showing that to you recently. But you need to know that I would go crazy without you. I look forward to the days where we call each other up after having a crazy day with our own children..." Before this letter sister and were close, extremely close. Things have gone down hill, we don't really speak. It's hard to read this and still long for a relationship. I have tried so many times, it is hard to give up on our relationship. I can't blame it all on her, as I am probably just as guilty, but I wish it could work.
Grandpa's (the hardest part is him talking about his testimony of the church, feeling the spirit in the Sacred Grove when he asked if the church was true. He isn't LDS and refuses to join)"... I have to figure out how to reconnect with my spiritual side. The interest and enthusiasm has waned. Some of it has been... the pressure of raising a couple of young adults." I have always interpreted it to be my fault he hasn't joined the church. I might of been reading too much into it, but it still makes me feel responsible.
No comments:
Post a Comment