9/12/09

Visit # 4
Today with James was hard. It was a subject I do NOT talk about. (I said in my previous post, but I'm feeling emotionally drained for a while on the subject, my mom's death) James soon found out why. I was really anxious and nervous to talk about this for the first time. He asked if I was ready, if I wasn't we could wait. I just wanted it to be over with!

This past week as I've prepared for today, I realized that it has been anger and not sadness that has been bottled up. As I wrote out every little detail that I can remember that went on during that time I saw just how angry I am at the way things were handled. My favorite part of the session, James commented on how abusive and controlling the situation was. My exact words to him, "Oh, NO, it gets WORSE!"

I was surprised when he told me I was already at step 3.
Step 1, survive it. According to James I did a really good job at that.
Step 2, talking about it, which I did today with James, Yay, so glad that's over with.
On to #3...

Goals for this week-
draw about anger/ how I feel and/or
write letters to mom B and dad, possibly from my 7 year-old prospective

Sorry, I feel like I'm leaving a lot of details out.

This was the first thing I did, This is my 7 year-old "want"list-
I want to deal with my mom's death
I want a normal life
I want to be heard
I want to know about my mom
I want to be able to remember my mom
I want pictures of my mom
I want to remember what my mom smells like
I want to cry