1/9/2008

I've been feeling a little blah lately. I know there is more work I need to do, I just don't know what it is! James and I talked about me writing Jack a letter... Still haven't started on that, or even thought about since our last visit. James asked on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being I really need to write Jack a letter as part of my healing, how do I feel about it. Is it weird that I don't have a desire at all to write Jack a letter? I had the strong desire, and actually wrote and sent a letter to Colleen. That was something I felt I 100% needed in my healing. I just don't know what I would say to Jack. I guess I don't have that much to say to him. "You hurt me. I don't like you. I never want to see you ever again. I think you're a jerk." That pretty much sums it up! James and I talked about a "safe place". It made me think of the fact that I never really had much safety/ stability. It makes me sad that there was zero stability in the parenting of me. Now that I think about it, our tree house was my safe place growing up. It was my little get away/ haven. Unfortunately my grandpa tore it down right around the same time I started watching Jack. Even though my "safe place" can be anything, the beach, the mountains, a room, a church, a temple, anything. When I think of "safe place" I picture Sister Parker's house. I always felt so safe there. As a teenager the LDS Temple in Las Vegas brought me so much comfort. It was another safe place for me. We also talked about my comfort kit. Mine is mostly pictures. Although I did think of a few more things today! So I am adding... I remember when I made this blanket. It was for a young women's project. It has always been one of my favorites. It was in my "Emergency Bag". I took in on the Church History Tour with me. 2 years ago I worked at a daycare and I left this blanket there for my 2-year-old foster daughter to use during her nap time. I thought I had left it there and had lost it forever. Back in June my husband and I went camping and we just grabbed a bag of blankets. When we were setting up the tent I opened the bag and this blanket was in there! This is thanks to SOLE.... I don't remember what week it was, but our homework was to do something for ourselves. It took a lot of thought to come up with this. Back then I did NOT relax. I used to use this more often, but haven't used it much anymore. My comfort has becomes baths! I love them! I can NOT stress out when I am in them. They just relax me and I never want to get out. This past week I've been living in the bath tub, it is one thing that helps with my PCOS, which has been really bad lately. I actually thought of this post while in the bath tub just a few minutes ago! If anyone ever needs a gift idea for me- bubble bath! Speaking of that I need to add- LOVE this stuff!!!! I remember when Bath and Body Works came out with their aromatherapy stuff and I instantly fell in love with the "Stress Relief". Also our local Wal-Mart has smelly wax things, I have no idea what they're called, but one day I noticed one labeled Stress Relief. It smells exactly like the stuff from Bath and Body Works. I love it because I can make my whole house smell like stress relief. Seriously, this stuff is amazing. One sniff and my stress just melts away! Oh and FYI, the kind I like is the Eucalyptus Spearmint, they have a few different stress relief ones. I also love their "Sleep- Lavender Chamomile" Now they just need to make one for cramp relief! My homework: work on my safe place, draw it. finish reading the papers James gave me last time!