1/14/08

I have known this for years, but all of a sudden it is all sinking in and realizing why. I don't eat. There are days I have to force myself to, but I hate eating. I didn't realize it until just now, but as a teenager there was a lot of verbal abuse involving food or dinner. I was constantly being told that I was fat. Even at 18 I was told that if I didn't like what was for dinner I had to starve, so I did. I now find it easier just to eat at restaurants because it is safe. I don't know how to explain in. When we would go to a restaurant as a family I could have what I wanted for once and there was no arguing. I eat fast food almost every day for lunch in high school, so now that is a comfort. Today for lunch I was excited to have these raviolis that I knew my husband wouldn't eat. I was starving and actually wanted to eat. Then when they were done I eat maybe 3 & decided it was too cold, so I heated it up and had maybe 1 more & realized that I just didn't want to eat. Most of the time all I want to eat is candy. I am worried that this might be making it harder for me to get pregnant.