1/11/08

It is too hard to look at pictures of myself from 13 - 18. All I can think is how I don't like that girl, I don't like what her life was like or what she was going through. It has never bothered me before looking at pictures of myself, but right now it is too hard. When I look at her face I can see all her pain. That is all I can think about when I see her face, all her pain and how she didn't want to live. When I saw the picture of our family in Hawaii all I can think is that when that picture was taken my mom was trying to get me to drink alcohol. I shouldn't have had to be in that situation. I shouldn't have had to tell my own mom when I was 16 that I was not going to drink. I shouldn't have gone through that, any of it. I can't believe what Jack did to me. That I had to go through that and no one knew. I was completely alone. When I look at pictures of myself from 19 on, I finally see this happy girl who made it though everything.