Today has been a great day. Church was good, I was paying attention for once. During Sacrament meeting I was feeling a little overwhelmed. I was really nervous about tonight, I had an appointment with Bishop W and I was going to talk to Sister Parker later too. Then during the closing hymn (Lord, I will follow thee) I got this peaceful feeling.
Before I left to talk to Bishop W I just prayed that I would say the things there I needed to. Also Bishop W has asked me to pray the past 2 times & I have said no, I am still struggling to say them to myself aloud. But I prayed that if he asked me to I would be able to do it.
Of course he asked me to, it wasn’t the best prayer, but I don’t think he cared. I showed him the letter, he wants me to move out NOW! He doesn’t understand why I don’t just move out now instead of waiting until Rachel is ready. I just I just don’t want to. I can last another month or so. We talked a little about the cutting. He asked if I knew how many times I have cut, 4. When was the last time I cut? Um... Yesterday! I told him about what happened.
After that I talked to Sister Parker. I was on my way to Sister Parker’s & I just kept saying, I am going to stop cutting, I’m never going to do it again & that’s that! After I left her house I just started bawling because all of a sudden I missed my mom so much.
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