It's weird for once to have feelings. I know it woulds odd but it's the truth! Today Sister Parker was so awesome. I love her so much. She means the world to me.
It has been a rough day, lot of ups and downs. Saw Joy today, I was down and she could tell. I think my day went like this- down, up, down, up, up, down.
Today with Joy was, well different. At first we talked about me moving out and all that stuff. Then she said she could tell something was wrong, she could see it in my eyes. I told her how I have been having a hard time with my mom's death. She asked what brought the feelings on. I explained how I can be fine with it and then I'm just not. I didn't tell her about the flashbacks or the wanting to cut. Maybe in 2 weeks I will. I told her how I feel like that when I am alone in my room.
She said I need to get rid of my negative feelings. Then she was asking me about memories of my mom. I mean sure I have some, but I just couldn't tell her. I told her one, the time my mom showed me pictures of her and Ted's wedding. She had a really hard time with it and cried the whole time she showed me pictures. At the time I didn't understand why. I had to of been maybe 6 at the time.
Joy wants me to bring out happy memories. I have them, I just do not want to tell them to Joy. I don't know why. Like Joy said, I can't focus on the negative, it will destroy my life.
- Satan wants us to be miserable
- I want to be happy, I need to be happy!
I showed Joy 2 pictures of my mom, my favorite 2. The one where she is wearing a maroon dress and the one from my great grandparent's 50th anniversary where she is holding me. Joy told me I should make a scrapbook of my mom and I told her I just barely did!
How ironic.
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