Feeling a little...
stuck, confused, I don't know the word for it. I want to do something with my life, but I don't know what or how to do it. I'm tired of feeling useless... I'm 25, married, jobless, childless, no college education (okay, well I have 1 credit under my belt that counts right?) and the list goes on and on.
As I try to think of WHY I refuse to take action and do something with my life, I'm afraid to fail. For so long I've been told I will fail, I was good for nothing, I was worthless and would never amount to anything.
I remember one day while I was in college overhearing grandpa on the phone with my sister, "She's doing good in college. At least she SAYS she's doing good, who knows if she really is!" FYI Grandpa... I really did do Great in college. I believe I got 2 B's in the whole class and the rest were A's. Then when I quit my job because my boss was abusive and I didn't have time for school working 50+ hours a week I was told "You'll come crawling back here in a month!" It's been 6 years and I've still done nothing!
I guess the only logical thing hold me back, we can't afford me going back to college.
I have become so comfortable talking about my abuse. It has become my passion and I feel drawn to do something to help others. But doing what exactly, I have no idea!
I've also accomplished nothing in the past 2 weeks! Didn't do my homework (write Colleen a letter), haven't read my scriptures once. However my spiritual side just took a turn for the better. I've loved my calling, but teaching 5 year olds that don't always listen every single week is draining! I have been the only teacher that didn't have a partner, someone that can fill in for them or let them have a week off so they can enjoy church for once. Well, I am finally getting my "team teacher"! Yay! They did add another kid to my class, but I'm not complaining!
No comments:
Post a Comment