10/1/09

This was the letter I wrote to my dad after Visit #4 with James-

Grandpa,

I've put this off for so many years. I have so many hurt and angry feelings I don't even know where to start. I still cringe when I talk to you on the phone. I hate being around you. I still fear that at any moment I will be verbally attacked!

You always have to look like the hero, like you are the most amazing guy in the world. I would love it if I could go through your house and take all your awards down. Better yet, I wish I could place on each of your awards names and words you have called me and the number of times you called me those things. I wish people knew the truth about you. On the outside you try to look like Superman, but on the inside you are really Lex Luther.

You constantly reminded me that you "took me in" when you didn't have to. You made me feel unwanted and unloved. I'm glad that aunt and uncle always reminded me that I WAS wanted!

You always had to brag that you were so on top of your genealogy. I wish I could go brag about how you would scream at me to go update it the second someone was born or died. How you would stand behind me as I worked on the computer, breathing your alcoholic breath on my neck.