What a day it has been! I just got home from Sister Parker’s for the second time today. It is amazing how promptings work. Long story short: Went to church today, it was really good. I was glad to be there. I was hoping to get an appointment with Bishop W tonight, but didn’t.
After church I decided to go tell Sister Parker about cutting last night. I couldn’t tell her, so I left frustrated. I got home and for no real reason I grabbed the blade & just started cutting my left shoulder. I have about 5 cuts that are about __ to ____ long. When I realized what I had done I freaked out. What did I do? I need to tell someone. I ended up getting an appointment with Bishop W for next Sunday. I still needed to just tell someone. I thought about calling Joy? No. Even though she told me I could call her anytime I didn't. Tell Sister Parker? No, I was just there. Then I kept getting this feeling that it was okay to go over there again- GO!
So I went, I told Sister Parker. She told me I should talk to Amy. It was really nice to talk to her (Amy) about it. She really understands, unlike most people. She helped me realize why I cut, mostly to see blood, it isn’t about the pain aspect of it.
I just feel lonely a lot & empty inside. Sometimes my life just feels like a dream. Then when I cut I see my blood & I realize that it isn’t all just a dream.
No comments:
Post a Comment