10/7/2003

I saw Joy today. I was so determined that I was going to actually talk to her. I prayed constantly the past few days that I will be able to do it. But inside I knew I wouldn’t. We went upstairs to her office and started talking. My homework:

• Do something nice for dad
• Try to change my dad's view of me

My thoughts afterwards:

Feeling lonely/ sad/ depressed. Get books on depression, abuse and cutting. 

Write a letter to Joy! 

• Almost all my feelings (lonely, sad and so on) come from losing my mom.
• Verbal abuse- get discouraged, feel worthless. I try to forget about it, hard to ignore, feel like I can't take it anymore, everything he does & says I have a hard time trusting people and talking. 
• Cutting- been my main problem lately. Sister Parker has helped me not to. 
• Being nice to dad doesn't help (long term). 
• Having friends doesn't help.
• Whenever dad says something, mom tells me not to tell anyone. 
• Feelings don't last that long, sporadic