Well, not something I've planned on, but after a few recent triggers I decided to return to LDSFS for yet more counseling... sigh. Well, since we've moved and are in a new ward and new stake, I need to once again talk to Bishop E about it. This would be #6 that I've talked to about abuse stuff. FYI, it's not that fun! I have had 4 great, loving, supporting bishops and 1 that was supportive, but wasn't involved in the process, but not bad. So I go to #6, anyone who has been through abuse ever had to deal with/ talk to people that are "abuse illiterate/ stupid"? My friend, MacKenzie, described it perfectly, they ask questions but don't get it. They just don't understand and the more they try the worse it gets.
It is hard to explain to someone who knows nothing about abuse what a trigger is. Really, after trying to explain how you can be fine, 100% over it and then you see a quiche and your world is turned upside down again and once again you can't stop thinking about the abuse. He didn't get it, so he asked if there were new issues, really no, but I said yes. When he asked in what ways it was affecting me, I told him my relationship with my husband and I've had nightmares. His jaw dropped a little, but he tried to keep his composure! That part was a little funny. He asked 5+ times what James's name was and how to spell his last name. Then he grabbed a binder, started flipping through it and said he needed to check to see if James was one of their approved, recommended counselors. Um, he works at LDS Family Services, I think he's approved!!!!
He questioned if it would help me if I went back to counseling since I've already been 3 times. If it helped last time, why do I have to go back? It has helped me to talk to a friend who told me that her counselor has told her it is NORMAL to have triggers and most people once they are "done" still have occasional visits when triggers and such come up. Okay, so I'm not the crazy one who WAS fine and now needs more counseling!
- There is more, but I've already forgot.
I'm anxious and nervous about returning. Let's see how this goes...
The first bishop I ever went to about the abuse was illiterate about abuse. Instead of dealing with the abuse I just find him about, his reply was: "So your mom tells me you still suck your thumb?" Yes. And I was 13 yrs old. So much for validation of the 7yrs of abuse! ~~ And triggers!? Oh yes. Those will always be there. No matter how much therapy, you must learn to deal. Welcome to my world. :)
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