Last night I was so stressed out and confessed that I almost cut again. I couldn’t get to sleep because I wanted t so badly. Right now I’m so glad I didn’t.
I was still confused today about if I could or not (move out). When I told my parents I was going to move out my dad flipped. I knew he would. He convinced me that I should stay. He said he would disown me if I moved out. Last night I e-mailed Hayley and told her about the wanting to cut. I told her I should probably talk to Bishop M. Then she reminded me I would have to go to my actual Bishop, Bishop W. The thought of that scared me. I hadn’t really talked to him before and he had no idea what I have gone though and what I am in.
I decided to go to the church and see if he had time. I got an appointment for 10, but still wasn’t sure if I wanted to go. I decided to talk to Sister Parker I told her what was going on with the move. She told me that she felt like I should go. I need to be in that environment and get away from my dad. I realized she was totally right. I don’t want my dad mad at me, which he will be, but what is better for me?
After I left her house I figured why not talk to Bishop W? I got there a few minutes before and I had been praying that I would know what to say. I went in there and never before had I talked like that. He started with a prayer in it he said for him to have understanding of me and so on. I totally just opened up to him. It even blew me away. I told him about my living situation and how my dad is verbally abusive. Then I told him about my greatest fear and my deepest secret- my cutting. He told me that he felt like I should move out. He talked about the abuse and how I need to get away. He told me that if I ever felt like cutting to call him day or night. If I ever need to talk or anything. I have never felt such immediate love for and from someone like this before.
-I don’t want to hurt my parents, but most of all I don’t want to hurt me!
-I need to do this!
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