Thursday, August 28, 2003

8/28/2003

(e-mail to Hayley)
I want to move out, but I'm scared. That doesn't make sense does it? I guess you have no idea how afraid I am of my parents, not just my dad. They both just get mad and yell about anything. I've seriously thought about moving out before, but it has never really gone anywhere. Do you think I can/ will actually go through with this? I'm so scared, scared for what might happen if I don't move out, about what will happen if I do. I have no idea what I should do. I've realized that I'm letting everything my dad says get to me. I shouldn't, but I am. It does just rip me apart. Nobody knows what it feels like. Nobody knows what goes on inside my head & I don't let people. Am I afraid of getting hurt? Not like anyone can do worst then my dad. I don't get it, parents are supposed to love their children not convince them they are totally worthless.

I don't know what to do. I'll do what I always do- get over it, just go on. Stay living at home pretending nothing ever happens like everyone else in my family does.

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