5/14/15

Way back 12 years ago I was 18. I was about to graduate from high school. I was struggling with so much, but there was no way in heck that I would ever consider counseling! Then one fateful day in June things came crashing down, one thing lead to another and by the end of July I found myself in counseling!

For a LONG time I refused to open up to my counselor, who on here I refer to as Joy. Eventually I opened up to her and my life completely changed! After finishing counseling with Joy, I got married, moved out of state and started counseling with Aaaron. I haven't gotten to writing about Aaron on here yet, but I had a HORRIBLE experience with him. After Aaron I gave up on counseling. I no longer trusted it. A few years later I re-reached my breaking point and found myself in James's office. I'm grateful that I gave counseling another try and ended up with someone like James. After I finished seeing James, about a year later I found I still needed some help with things, so I went back to seeing him.

Now, here I find myself again sitting in a counselors office. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be "done" with counseling. Naturally when I first started thinking about going back to counseling to deal with my depression I thought to go back to James. After further thought, I realized, he doesn't deal with depression. However, I did know  someone that is a counselor and deals with depression, and I already trust them... Joy!

We had our first visit last week and it went really well. Part of me was nervous that I would revert back 12 years and re-close up. Ha ha ha, yeah I don't think I could re-close up if I wanted it. I'm a different person now. One who is not afraid to open up and talk about things that are going on.

I do have one confession to make... 2 weeks ago if you had asked me if my depression was related to my own thoughts, I would have told you No way! I 100% believed that my depression was a chemical imbalance and there was no way in heck that if I changed my thinking that it would affect my depression in any way, shape or form.

Just days before making an appointment with Joy I was close to rock bottom. Thanks to the awesome side-effects I can't stay on Prozac for very long and I had been off of it for a few months. I went back on since I was barely functioning at that point. I was on it for a little less than 2 weeks and I am now going back off it. After 2 days I am feeling fine. We'll see how it goes over time. Brad keeps asking me WHY I would go off Prozac. After all, I am so much happier on it. I am trying to change my thinking and I don't want Prozac affecting it.

Why am I all of a sudden a believe that changing my thinking can affect my depression? A book Joy told me to read! I'm on chapter 4 and I've been learning so much! Seriously, if you suffer from depression, or are just not happy, go read this book! You Can Feel Good Again by Richard Carlson.