I hit rock bottom, in a sense, yesterday... I always say I'd rather eat foods that I love and die young then eat healthy food ALL the time and live a long life. I love Coke, junk food, eating out. I also enjoy salads and healthy foods, but not all the time. I also can't eat junk food all the time. Several years ago we were in Chicago for my brother-in-laws wedding. We were traveling a lot and eat out for breakfast, lunch and dinner every. single. day. One day I hit my breaking point and went to a grocery store to get an apple and herbal tea for dinner because I couldn't stomach another fast food place!
So, that's my background story on the topic. Last year when I started seeing Dr. P for my depression he told me there were 3 things I needed to do: Take my medication, go to counseling and exercise 60 minutes a day, everyday. At first I did great! In fact, I told like 10 to 15 pounds the first few months. Then the horrible side effect of my medication caught up with me, forcing me to temporarily stop. Ever since then I haven't exercised regularly again. I know, I need to get back to it.
Well, the other day I took my kids on a walk and after decided to weigh myself. I guess it's a good thing we don't own an actual scale. I use our Wii U Fit as my "scale". I've gained 12 POUNDS, TWELVE since January! Even my husband looked shocked when I told him.
That was my turning point. Or so I'm hoping. Last summer I tried to cut back on soda, only to realize that when I stopped drinking soda, I wasn't replacing it with anything else. So I went right back to it. It might not seem like a big deal, but I bought a case of water today. My goal is to actually cut back the soda and drink 3 to 4 bottles of water a day and just maybe start exercising again.
I thought working from home I would have all sorts of time on my hands, turns out I'm just as busy. In fact I have started to turn done quite a bit of business. Going from 2 people running it to just me has been so overwhelming for me. I don't know where I was going with this, so I'll just end there for tonight.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
3/14/15
Just thought I'd share something kinda funny that happened today...
We were at my cousin's wedding reception and my cousin's father-in-law asked me who my parents are. He knows my mom's 2 older brother, so I tell him my mom's name. He didn't know her and asked where she was in order of kids from the older 2 boys he knows. (Does this make sense?) Anyways, I try to explain that she is 3rd of 4 kids and just younger then the 2 oldest boys he knows. Then... Brad pipes up, "She died a LONG time ago!" Seriously? How does that help the situation at all? Ha ha ha.
We were at my cousin's wedding reception and my cousin's father-in-law asked me who my parents are. He knows my mom's 2 older brother, so I tell him my mom's name. He didn't know her and asked where she was in order of kids from the older 2 boys he knows. (Does this make sense?) Anyways, I try to explain that she is 3rd of 4 kids and just younger then the 2 oldest boys he knows. Then... Brad pipes up, "She died a LONG time ago!" Seriously? How does that help the situation at all? Ha ha ha.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
3/8/15
I'm not sure what prompted this post but I was sitting in Sunday School and it came to me.
I've had the song Gratitude stuck in my head for about a week now.
I've struggled a lot in life. At times I've wondered why I've been asked to take on so much. Though through this I've been able to see all these small blessings along the way. I think it is one of those things, that if it wasn't for those small blessings, and realizing that they are blessings, I'm not sure I could have made it though.
For so long we struggled financially. During the hardest of times Brad didn't buy socks, shoes or other clothing items. His parents was constantly giving him things. He would tell us "I got these new shoes and after a few days I didn't like the way they felt, so here."
The most recent thing to happen, I'm still not 100% happy about it, but it is what it is. Back in September our truck's engine went out. I was rather mad especially since we just did a $1,000+ repair on it in May. At first our friend told us we could find an engine for like $400. Um, yeah, not even close. We started looking for one and soon realized we would have to wait until we got our tax return to be able to afford one. We got our tax return and started looking. The first place my husband called said they just that day got in a 2002 (same year as ours) Dodge Dakota (same make/ model as ours) with 40,000 miles on it! The price still makes me wanna puke ($1,800) but it beats brand new, so that's better.
A few things today made me realize that even if I feel "fine" the depression is STILL there.
First thing- We got home from church and Brad forgot he needed to renew his temple recommend, so we headed back to the church while I stayed home with the kids. Before church we put some meatballs in the crockpot and had decided to cook spaghetti with it. I started cooking the spaghetti and did some dishes. As I was washing dishes I realized what a struggle it was to do those things daily. Little, simple tasks like cook food- doesn't have to be something fancy, do laundry or dishes are hard for me to do.
Then this evening I went to a Women's Fireside at the church. It was for the whole stake and as soon as I walked in the room my depression/ anxiety kicked in. I searched the room for someone I knew to sit next to, but found no one. I sat down, alone, on a row. As several women from my ward walked right by and sat 2 rows in front of me, I was feeling even more alone. As the open prayer was said the tear began to fall. I felt so overwhelmingly alone I debated just leaving. As soon as the prayer was over a Sister from my ward came over and asked if she could sit by me. We are around the same age, have kids close to the same age and she was my visiting teacher for a few months. Obviously during the fireside we didn't say a word to each other. After it was over we talked and got food and talked some more. It was actually really great!
Is it just me (the depression), or is it normal that if you are sitting by yourself in a Fireside that you feel so lonely and empty that you would rather leave then sit alone?
I've had the song Gratitude stuck in my head for about a week now.
I've struggled a lot in life. At times I've wondered why I've been asked to take on so much. Though through this I've been able to see all these small blessings along the way. I think it is one of those things, that if it wasn't for those small blessings, and realizing that they are blessings, I'm not sure I could have made it though.
For so long we struggled financially. During the hardest of times Brad didn't buy socks, shoes or other clothing items. His parents was constantly giving him things. He would tell us "I got these new shoes and after a few days I didn't like the way they felt, so here."
The most recent thing to happen, I'm still not 100% happy about it, but it is what it is. Back in September our truck's engine went out. I was rather mad especially since we just did a $1,000+ repair on it in May. At first our friend told us we could find an engine for like $400. Um, yeah, not even close. We started looking for one and soon realized we would have to wait until we got our tax return to be able to afford one. We got our tax return and started looking. The first place my husband called said they just that day got in a 2002 (same year as ours) Dodge Dakota (same make/ model as ours) with 40,000 miles on it! The price still makes me wanna puke ($1,800) but it beats brand new, so that's better.
A few things today made me realize that even if I feel "fine" the depression is STILL there.
First thing- We got home from church and Brad forgot he needed to renew his temple recommend, so we headed back to the church while I stayed home with the kids. Before church we put some meatballs in the crockpot and had decided to cook spaghetti with it. I started cooking the spaghetti and did some dishes. As I was washing dishes I realized what a struggle it was to do those things daily. Little, simple tasks like cook food- doesn't have to be something fancy, do laundry or dishes are hard for me to do.
Then this evening I went to a Women's Fireside at the church. It was for the whole stake and as soon as I walked in the room my depression/ anxiety kicked in. I searched the room for someone I knew to sit next to, but found no one. I sat down, alone, on a row. As several women from my ward walked right by and sat 2 rows in front of me, I was feeling even more alone. As the open prayer was said the tear began to fall. I felt so overwhelmingly alone I debated just leaving. As soon as the prayer was over a Sister from my ward came over and asked if she could sit by me. We are around the same age, have kids close to the same age and she was my visiting teacher for a few months. Obviously during the fireside we didn't say a word to each other. After it was over we talked and got food and talked some more. It was actually really great!
Is it just me (the depression), or is it normal that if you are sitting by yourself in a Fireside that you feel so lonely and empty that you would rather leave then sit alone?
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
3/3/15
My sleep schedule I have going has been feeling good most of the time. I am getting a new calling at church and I'm feeling unsure about it! I've never had this calling before and know NOTHING about it! Ekkk. I guess I will learn.
It has been a busy week. I was hoping business would slow down with moving it back home, but last week was a busy as ever! I have 8 of my 11 jobs waiting on the shipment we are getting Thursday. One of which they need by Thursday night. I'm feeling frustrated with that one. I asked what colors she wanted when they ordered, silver and red. I told her, okay because I am OUT of white. She told me no problem because she didn't want white. She decided she would design it herself, great that will save me time. I got the design from her and there are 6, SIX, different colors including white. I ask her, do you want all the colors the same because I am out of white. Yes. Okay I guess she is willing to wait. Then she called Saturday and asked when it would be ready, um, whenever our white gets here! She NEEDS it Thursday and we should be getting our shipment Thursday. Sigh...
FYI if you don't handle stress very well and have depression and anxiety working retail is a BAD idea, let alone owning a retail store!!!!
We have horrible luck with neighbors... You see we rent this great house that has a basement that the landlord also rents out. We moved in and the neighbors were good! No huge complainants. 8 months after we moved in they moved out. A lady moved in right after and was never here, which was awesome. Then things turned. She moved out just over 2 years ago. Someone my husband worked with was interested in the basement and because of his past drug use we told our landlord, do NOT rent it to him! Well, she did. Needless to say about 6 weeks later she evicted them! Then I was trying to be nice and suggested the basement to an acquaintance whom I hadn't talked to in several years. She was fine, but her husband! Oh my heck. Loud is an understatement. Every time he closed a door he slammed it as hard as he could, didn't matter if it was 3 am! They stayed for 1 year and man was I glad to see him go! Next a nice, quiet lady moved in. It was peaceful for a month or two, until her husband who just got out of prison moved in! More door slamming, blasting music all hours of the day, and just plain rude, they also smoked in the non-smoking unit! Guess what?!? We complained to our landlord so much she kicked them out! Now we have our latest tenets. Another nice quiet lady moved in. She is as quiet as mouse. Seriously LOVE her. But then... she let her son and his girl friend move in. (oh and FYI our landlord told us because of the problems with the past lady, she put in the lease that new lady could NOT have anyone move in with her!) They are still pretty quiet, but, there is always a but, they are now SMOKING down there! We talked to the lady about it and she said she would get the problem taken care of. It stopped for a few days. Now here I am, sitting here at 1 am and I smell smoke! The part that makes me the most upset is they smoke right under my kids room, thus the smell goes straight into my children's bedroom.
Good luck to me sleeping tonight! Off to e-mail my landlord, who I am sure hates us for complaining about everyone who lives down there!!!!
It has been a busy week. I was hoping business would slow down with moving it back home, but last week was a busy as ever! I have 8 of my 11 jobs waiting on the shipment we are getting Thursday. One of which they need by Thursday night. I'm feeling frustrated with that one. I asked what colors she wanted when they ordered, silver and red. I told her, okay because I am OUT of white. She told me no problem because she didn't want white. She decided she would design it herself, great that will save me time. I got the design from her and there are 6, SIX, different colors including white. I ask her, do you want all the colors the same because I am out of white. Yes. Okay I guess she is willing to wait. Then she called Saturday and asked when it would be ready, um, whenever our white gets here! She NEEDS it Thursday and we should be getting our shipment Thursday. Sigh...
FYI if you don't handle stress very well and have depression and anxiety working retail is a BAD idea, let alone owning a retail store!!!!
We have horrible luck with neighbors... You see we rent this great house that has a basement that the landlord also rents out. We moved in and the neighbors were good! No huge complainants. 8 months after we moved in they moved out. A lady moved in right after and was never here, which was awesome. Then things turned. She moved out just over 2 years ago. Someone my husband worked with was interested in the basement and because of his past drug use we told our landlord, do NOT rent it to him! Well, she did. Needless to say about 6 weeks later she evicted them! Then I was trying to be nice and suggested the basement to an acquaintance whom I hadn't talked to in several years. She was fine, but her husband! Oh my heck. Loud is an understatement. Every time he closed a door he slammed it as hard as he could, didn't matter if it was 3 am! They stayed for 1 year and man was I glad to see him go! Next a nice, quiet lady moved in. It was peaceful for a month or two, until her husband who just got out of prison moved in! More door slamming, blasting music all hours of the day, and just plain rude, they also smoked in the non-smoking unit! Guess what?!? We complained to our landlord so much she kicked them out! Now we have our latest tenets. Another nice quiet lady moved in. She is as quiet as mouse. Seriously LOVE her. But then... she let her son and his girl friend move in. (oh and FYI our landlord told us because of the problems with the past lady, she put in the lease that new lady could NOT have anyone move in with her!) They are still pretty quiet, but, there is always a but, they are now SMOKING down there! We talked to the lady about it and she said she would get the problem taken care of. It stopped for a few days. Now here I am, sitting here at 1 am and I smell smoke! The part that makes me the most upset is they smoke right under my kids room, thus the smell goes straight into my children's bedroom.
Good luck to me sleeping tonight! Off to e-mail my landlord, who I am sure hates us for complaining about everyone who lives down there!!!!
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