Okay, this is really sad/ weird to say, but for 5 1/2 years I have HATED when Brad just randomly. sporadically gives me hug. I know, I'm weird. I haven't said anything to him because I felt like I would be a bad wife. I do enjoy his affect but when I'm walking across the room or doing the dished I don't want to be hugged! After my first visit back with James I had my first "Ah-Ha Moment" in a long time! I realized WHY I don't like them. Jack would do it all the time, of course, and it took me over 5 years to figure this out! When I was around Jack he would follow me around and was constantly hugging (and trying to kiss) me and it drove me nuts. So now whenever my husband just comes up and gives me a hug it reminds me of Jack! I'm totally okay with hugs when I know they are come, I'm not busy doing something or in intimate situations.
I always thought it was weird that I didn't like Brad's sporadic affection. For so long as a teenager I longed for that affection. I dreamt of the nights that someone would hold me in their arms. Now I just need to teach my mind that it is OKAY! One thing I got from seeing Aaron, I needed to re-program my mind to know that affection from my husband is okay. Remind myself it's not Jack, it's safe.
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