1/18/16

Today I got an e-mail from my mother-in-law. I get along great with my in-laws, but it isn't a perfect relationship. Even though i love my mother-in-law, we get along great and I really respect her, she just doesn't understand things I've gone though. I've accepted it at this point that we can talk about anything but my depression and past abuse. When I was in counseling with Grace and we talked about how I needed to call and talk to someone when the depression was bad she asked who I thought I should call. My mother-in-law and Hayley were my top 2 people.

Anyways, back to the e-mail I got this morning. My in-laws are currently on a mission. A past comment my mother-in-law made, made me wonder if just maybe she was starting to have a better understanding of depression. Even though she never said to words, I felt like she expected me to just snap out of it, change my attitude and just NOT be depressed. Well, a while back she told us how some of  these young missionaries are going out with depression and their parents think that serving a mission will cure their depression and well, it's not working. It really opened my eyes that maybe she is starting to actually understand it!  In this e-mail she mentioned a missionary that went home because of sever depression and how he is now on medication, in counseling and is doing well.

As I read this it brought a tear to my eye. I'm glad she is understanding this illness and can now be there and support others.

I went downstairs to clean up some vomit from Brax. When I was done I decided to do some dishes. While doing dishes I kept thinking about my depression and talking to my mother-in-law. The more I thought about it I decided, what the heck, I'll e-mail her back and open up about my struggle. I finally feel (I don't know the word I'm looking for here, but you'll get what I mean) enough that even if she is negative about it, or tells me I need to just snap out of it, it won't be the end of the world or as hard as a blow as it was in the past.

If people don't understand then that isn't my problem. Not everyone is always going to understand your journey. That isn't their job. They aren't in your shoes. If you try to share your journey with them and they don't take it the way you want then move on. Doesn't mean they can't be in our life, just someone you can't talk to and expect to understand certain things.