10/6/14

I used to struggle to fall asleep. My whole life I have struggled with sleep. I used to force myself to go to bed at 1 AM. I would toss and turn for a while and sometimes wouldn't be able to fall asleep until 4 or 5 AM! I wanted to sleep, but my body would not let me. Last night I went to bed at 10:30 (PM at is!!!) The night before was 11. On average it is now 12. I wake up and I'm wide awake. I used to be in a fog. Waking up was difficult, not any more.

On an average day I get up between 8 and 9. Today was my "day off", no work and no kids! I woke up at 9 and laid in bed trying to go back to sleep, but quickly gave up and got up. In the past (before Prozac) I could easily sleep until noon, or even 1 or 2 PM! It didn't matter if I only got a few hours of sleep the night before, I would still struggle to fall asleep every night and wake up every more.

Once I was up I tided up Em's room. Brax threw up last night, we didn't know until this morning. My husband was taking Em to preschool. I asked Brax what he was drinking, "milk". My thought was, um let's get you some juice instead. As I was dumping out his milk I thought, "I am such a mom!" Not just that fact that I am a mom, the fact that I ENJOY being a mom for once! Somewhere between Em and Brax the depression got worse and I stopped enjoying being a mom.

I asked Brax about him throwing up. He said he got it in his hair. Okay, let's take a bath! As I bathed him I again through, "Man, I'm such a mom!"

I always loved my kids, but I struggled. I hated being a mom. I did not enjoy the little things.

I refused to go on Prozac because I've heard "It's bad for you." and "It's addictive". and on and on.

As of right now, I don't care if it is "bad for you." My life is night and day different on it. I can enjoy life again. I love being a mom. Yes, it still is hard at times, but I don't hate it. I am no longer in a fog.

I tried natural supplements and oils, nothing worked. Prozac has been my miracle