Today was another visit with James. We talked about how we had dealt with the majority of my Jack issues and how to know when to be done with counseling. Yes, James and I have done a LOT of work and have covered all sorts of different issues I have. But there is still one thing I struggle with. Ted! "Ted" or "Sperm Donor", he had a lot of names, but never dad!
I haven't blog a whole lot about Ted. I don't know what I have or haven't said. Ted and my mom were married in the LDS Temple. They had my older sister and 1 month before I was born they separated and when I was a month old they divorced. I met Ted for the first time when I was 13. We started e-mailing each other for a few months until I realized that it wasn't such a good/ healthy thing going on. (more on that later) He came around on holidays- Christmas, Easter and our Birthdays. He gave us cheap crap that he had gotten for free. I always felt uncomfortable around him.
The last time he came over was in Aug. of 2000, or was it 2001? Anyway, he came over to tell us that his mom had died. I never met the lady and to be honest I held resentment that she never gave a crap about me to ever want to meet me or see me. She made my sister a baby blanket, but not me and we are only 14 months apart in age.
A few nights ago I had a dream that Ted was after me. It's not that unusual, it happens once in a while. I didn't think too much about it. I have thought about how I still have all these feeling I really want to deal with, again more on it later. This part 1 of a 100 part series with Ted. So while talking to James I brought up my dream about Ted. We talked more about it and my past issues with him and things I want to talk to/ work with James with about Ted. Towards the end of the session I got this "Whoa!" look on my face. James asked what it was about. "I had the dream 6 years to the day from the last time I ever saw Ted. I didn't realize it until right now!" Okay, it might have been a few days off, but still give or take a few days. It's easy to remember the last day I ever saw him... Each year my husband and I celebrate our "first date anniversary". 4 days before our first date we went on a trip together, along with other people, and while at Wal-Mart getting stuff for our trip I saw Ted. I also realized that everything that went on in the dream was just like the last time I saw him. The way I felt, what was going on, everything!
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