3/30/04

Tuesday: Monday after my fiance went home, I sat in my room and realized that a lot of the time I felt nothing- No happiness, excitement, nothing at all. I ended up talking to him in texts. I told him how I was feeling & he told me that he thought it was Satan trying to bring me down & try to keep me from feeling love. I didn't really get it. The next day at SOLE we had an activity. You had to get from one square to another without touching the ground. The squares were 2 to 3 feet apart and scattered all over. Even normally it was hard. They a few people had to do it blindfolded, with a person telling them where to turn and how far to reach. Next, someone was once again blindfolded with a person helping them, but the rest of the group was instructed to give them wrong directions and try to mess them up and not make it. After it we talked about what the object was. It was Satan (& others) trying to lead us astray & get us confused. Everything started to sink in. That is exactly what he was doing to me. I'm so used to just shutting down. If Satan can get me to not feel loved, then I will doubt it & if I doubt enough I will not believe it is there. On my way home I called Joy to talk to her, but she didn't answer. I left her a message and she called me back the next day. She said I've really improved. I actually talk more I feel more included and wanted.