Today in Relief Society I realized I don't make comments in class anymore. For a long time I never did. As I got older the more I opened myself up I found that it was okay. There was no right or wrong comment. People weren't going to reject me for saying something. It got to the point that I even found myself making comments without freaking myself out about it first. It came naturally and easily.
Today as I sat there thinking, I want to, but I was too nervous to and never did, I realized why. There have been a few times over the past few years where my comments were met with negativity. The first time after making a comment the person teaching the lesson told me, it was wrong, it wasn't the comment she was looking for. I wasn't trying to answer a question, I was just expressing my thoughts and feelings. The last time I remember saying anything there was another negative response, so I stopped.
I have such a deep fear of rejection and people hating me. I found that if I don't open myself up I'm safe. I can't be rejected if I don't say anything. People won't hate me if I just sit there quietly.
What am I thankful for today:
I got new boots yesterday. Might sound silly, but we never spend much money on clothes so splurging and getting these boots was a big deal!
I love crafting, it makes me happy. Last night my husband watched a hockey game followed by a football game. By this point I was pretty board and decided to make a project I wanted for when we moved. 1 project became 4! I have a love/ hate relationship for when I start making things when we are moving. I love it, but it makes me even more anxious to move and decorate! 5 weeks to go and I still need to pack up 98% of my house!
Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease, by Elder David A. Bednar
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