Today I skipped my mid-day anti-depressant (I'm currently on Wellbutrin). I've been doing really good about remembering to actually take my medication thanks to an App called MediSafe! It is everything I was hoping for and needed plus more! Well, this afternoon my reminder went off. We were about to eat and I turned it off and figured, oh I'll be fine. No big deal.
Well, about an hour before my next dose was due I could feel it! Every negative emotion was amplified! We were at our friends house playing games and I saw my friend cheating. She was winning and I called her out on it. Her response, "No I'm not. You just suck!" She said it in a half snooty half kidding kind of way. I was annoyed. We went to leave and I'm pretty sure I didn't even say goodbye. Not that I was mad at her, I knew right away it was the Wellbutrin (the lack there of) that was making me so grumpy.
We got home and my negative emotions were still in full swing... I started stressing about what we are going to do about my medication since the insurance company won't pay for it. Then I stressed about how dirty my house was. I've been doing really good this week about keeping it clean. Then today things just seemed to pile up. I put the kids to bed, took my Wellbutrin and got in the bath to try to calm down. I'm trying my hardest to not stress about an order I have for work, but really I'm freaking out! So much so that I had a bad dream about it last night! It is a shirt order for 22 shirts. In my dream I went to buy the shirts and every store I went to was sold out! My real problem is, at the time I took the order we had our Heat Press machine. We decided to cut our ties with our "business partner" and return the equipment. There was nothing wrong with the relationship, we just want to do our own thing. The plan was, order our own machine and then upon getting our own, return his. That way we wouldn't be without the equipment. Things didn't work out like that. We ended up returning the machine with less then 24 hours notice and no money what so ever to be able to buy our own. So now here I am, this order is due in 2 weeks! I have NO clue how I'm going to do it!!!! Yikes...
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Thursday, June 25, 2015
6/25/15
I might of completely blew up at Em today... with her broken arm it has been rather difficult to bathe her. We got a cover for it, but it doesn't work very well. Last night we decided that we would try just washing her down with the shower. Our shower has 2 settings- HOT and COLD. There is no in between! She was mad if it was hot, she was mad if it was cold. Finally I lost it. After that she accepted the fact that it was going to be HOT. Then she loved it and refused to get out!
I have been back and forth about seeing Joy. The down side is, she is 3 hours away. I feel like we are headed in the right direction so I'm going to keep going. Right now I feel like she is re-shaping my whole life. The last time I was a stay at home mom my kids were 3 and 1. Then I pretty much worked for 2 years straight and now they are 4 and 5. They don't like to listen to me. Then again I haven't been very consistent with them because of the craziness of working so much. Now that I am readjusting to life at home I'm working on my kids and keeping my house clean. I've changed the way I parent and it showed immediately! I am more direct with them, I don't cave, I get down eye to eye with them and talk to them, I explain things rationally, I let them make simple decisions. They are starting to listen to me the first time I tell them to do something instead of 4 times. Every night when they go to bed their room is CLEAN. I mean really, how often does that happen? I'd say before like once a month and that would be the day they cleaned their room for the month. I LOVE IT!!!
This week of changes I've found what works with my kids. Staying consistent and following through has been huge. This morning when I got up they had pulled a bunch of blankets out and had a few other things out. They went to play outside and I told them, "No playing outside until the living room is picked up." They came right back in and picked up the mess. Later they played "movie theater" my daughters new favorite thing. She pulls every single chair from all over the house to the living room, makes people movies tickets, does the whole thing. I only had the tell the kids once to pick up the chairs when they were done. Before getting them to clean their room was a nightmare. They wouldn't clean it when there was a few things out, so it because a HUGE mess and was so overwhelming. It was horrible. Now, towards the end of the day just before my husband gets home I tell them to go pick up and I will give them a treat. They promptly go and are done so fast. It is amazing!
Brad was doing the dishes tonight and I told him I felt lazy just standing there doing nothing. His response, "Um, you cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom, pretty much the whole house and you've done the last 10 loads of dishes!" With that I sat down on the couch and watched an episode of Mike and Molly!
My House, oh my very poor house... We've lived here 3 1/2 years now. I am so not a clean freak. I do like things organized though. Thursday when I found out that Joy was going to be coming to my house for a session you can imagine the major cleaning I did. My house was the cleanest it's need in months. Oddly enough that was on of the things that we talked about. 1) Me setting a schedule and sticking to it. I'm doing okay, this week has been crazy, plus I like to do things spur of the moment. Growing up I wasn't allowed to clean. Nope, not at all. I was told that I couldn't because I would mess it up or not do it right. That has carried over into my adulthood. I just don't clean, like ever! Joy told me that I need 1 day a week to be cleaning day, no work, just cleaning. And at the end of each day before I go to bed, I need to tidy things up. It has been amazing how clean my house is staying and it just keeps getting cleaner and cleaner as I go.
I took the kids to the park to get out of the house. I feel semi-caught up on my orders. Some are a few days behind but more or less they are done.
I have been back and forth about seeing Joy. The down side is, she is 3 hours away. I feel like we are headed in the right direction so I'm going to keep going. Right now I feel like she is re-shaping my whole life. The last time I was a stay at home mom my kids were 3 and 1. Then I pretty much worked for 2 years straight and now they are 4 and 5. They don't like to listen to me. Then again I haven't been very consistent with them because of the craziness of working so much. Now that I am readjusting to life at home I'm working on my kids and keeping my house clean. I've changed the way I parent and it showed immediately! I am more direct with them, I don't cave, I get down eye to eye with them and talk to them, I explain things rationally, I let them make simple decisions. They are starting to listen to me the first time I tell them to do something instead of 4 times. Every night when they go to bed their room is CLEAN. I mean really, how often does that happen? I'd say before like once a month and that would be the day they cleaned their room for the month. I LOVE IT!!!
This week of changes I've found what works with my kids. Staying consistent and following through has been huge. This morning when I got up they had pulled a bunch of blankets out and had a few other things out. They went to play outside and I told them, "No playing outside until the living room is picked up." They came right back in and picked up the mess. Later they played "movie theater" my daughters new favorite thing. She pulls every single chair from all over the house to the living room, makes people movies tickets, does the whole thing. I only had the tell the kids once to pick up the chairs when they were done. Before getting them to clean their room was a nightmare. They wouldn't clean it when there was a few things out, so it because a HUGE mess and was so overwhelming. It was horrible. Now, towards the end of the day just before my husband gets home I tell them to go pick up and I will give them a treat. They promptly go and are done so fast. It is amazing!
Brad was doing the dishes tonight and I told him I felt lazy just standing there doing nothing. His response, "Um, you cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom, pretty much the whole house and you've done the last 10 loads of dishes!" With that I sat down on the couch and watched an episode of Mike and Molly!
My House, oh my very poor house... We've lived here 3 1/2 years now. I am so not a clean freak. I do like things organized though. Thursday when I found out that Joy was going to be coming to my house for a session you can imagine the major cleaning I did. My house was the cleanest it's need in months. Oddly enough that was on of the things that we talked about. 1) Me setting a schedule and sticking to it. I'm doing okay, this week has been crazy, plus I like to do things spur of the moment. Growing up I wasn't allowed to clean. Nope, not at all. I was told that I couldn't because I would mess it up or not do it right. That has carried over into my adulthood. I just don't clean, like ever! Joy told me that I need 1 day a week to be cleaning day, no work, just cleaning. And at the end of each day before I go to bed, I need to tidy things up. It has been amazing how clean my house is staying and it just keeps getting cleaner and cleaner as I go.
I took the kids to the park to get out of the house. I feel semi-caught up on my orders. Some are a few days behind but more or less they are done.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
6/24/15
The past two days nothing seems to be going right...
The more that keeps going wrong the more I get discourage. I'm trying so hard to get rid of my negative thoughts, but I can't help but wonder, Will things EVER go right? I'm I just destined to have a horribly rough life?
Things were great for a few days. Everything was going smoothly. Yesterday things turned upside down.
I got up and was about to get ready to take my kids to the movies when my husband texts me saying he took the truck. Which can only mean one thing, his car wouldn't start. Meaning I can't take my kids to the movies. I had my week planned. That one little change completely threw me though a loop.
Tuesday I was to- Take the kids to the movies and then work the rest of the day. I had 3 orders to finish. Then my daughter's pre-school picture at 6:30.
Wednesday is my cleaning day. I also had play group at 11:30, my daughter's doctor appointment at 4, and scouts at 6:30.
At first I figured, I'll just switch the days. I'll doing cleaning this Tuesday and not work at all. Wednesday I'll take the kids to the movies, play group, work from 1 to 3:30, take my daughter to the doctor and then if I'm lucky be done before scouts starts. I was a little stressed, but didn't feel too overwhelmed. I cleaned my house until my arm hurt, my husband brought back the truck and I was able to run 4 errands. My husband wanted to go out on a date, specifically to see Jurassic World. So I texted my friend to see if she could baby-sit. No response... Things were starting to settle down, I sat down on the couch to watch Once Upon a Time before getting back to cleaning, or making dinner, or something productive. Halfway through the episode I get a message on Facebook, "So, is my order going to be ready by tomorrow at 2 because I'm leaning town." Crap, I forgot I promised her I would squeeze it in on Tuesday. Then I switched Tuesday with Wednesday so my orders were bumped a day. Looks like I get to work today after all. Around that same time I get a text, "Can I pick up my order today, or is tomorrow better?" Um, yeah, also another order which was supposed to be cut and ready Tuesday... You've got to be kidding me. I scrambled around designing the first job, figuring out what to put it on, the customer going back and forth about what color she wanted, got my other 2 jobs cutting, hurried to make dinner, the second it was out of the oven I had to rush to get my daughter dressed for her pre-school/ dance pictures. Just the thought of those stressed me out! Way back 2 months ago the dance studio had all the girls pictures done, both individual ones and group ones. They told us right away they didn't get a good group shoot, I guess one little girls bangs were blowing and not all the girls were smiling. Didn't sound that bad to me. My daughter's pre-school teacher said they would show us the picture and let us decide if we wanted to re-take it or just take the one they got. Long story short, they re-took them last night. I was fuming because my daughter broke her arm 2 weeks ago and has a huge cast. I told the photographer, "DO NOT get her cast in the picture!" By this time it is 6:30, I knew pictures were going to take 45 minutes to an hour, plus I had to go home and finish those 3 jobs. My friend texts me back saying she can watch the kids. I told her, we weren't going so we will try next week. She asked why. By this point I was so done with the crazy day I didn't even respond.
Another back story: About 3 to 4 weeks ago I started having this really bad soar throat. I figured it would go away, which it never did. I was waiting for my husband's insurance to send us our cards so I could go to the doctor. Within 24 hours of getting the cards I was at my doctors office. He told me if was due to my allergies and my "post nasal drip" was irritating my throat. He gave me 2 prescriptions. One was for 5 days and the other was to use after those 5 days.
Wednesday morning... I had finished the 5 day prescription on Tueday so naturally I woke up Wednesday with the horribly soar throat back! I tired the new prescription, but it did nothing! I've tried 2 other home remedies and still no luck! I woke up before the kids! Crazy that never happens. I asked them what they wanted for breakfast while looking for ideas on Pinterest. I found an easy donut recipe I figured I could whip out before the movie. Back story here- Last week when I was going grocery shopping I asked my husband if I needed to buy flour, he said no we have plenty but we did need sugar. Back to today, can you guess what happened? I pulled out all the ingredients before even checking the flour, I went to get it and found the jar empty. I check the pantry, also empty. My other idea for breakfast was french toast, except we only had wheat bread and I just can't do wheat breed french toast. Off to the store we went. While there I noticed they had Poweraid on sale for .50 cents. I got 8 of them, finished my shopping and went home. By this time I didn't have time to do the donuts. My daughter started trowing a fit. I have discovered that if I explain things to her and give her simple options she handles things so much better. I told her we didn't have time for both donuts and the movie, so she could pick which one she would rather do. The movie we were going to see is part of a Summer thing, so they only run Mon, Tues, and Wed at 10, then the next week it's a different movie. So it was our last chance to see this movie. I reminded her we could make donuts another day. She decided she would rather go to the movies. I got to making the french toast and things were going smoothly. I went to get something out of my purse and I realized that when I went shopping I didn't use my coupons. I know, not a huge deal, but 3 products I bought the only reason I was buying them was because I had coupons. One was for a free box of cereal, which apparently I paid full price for!
I texted my husband asking if he wanted me to get more poweraids, which he later said he did. We went to the movie, it was really good. We got home, I went to open our back door and it was locked. Panic quickly set in and I hoped that our sliding back door wasn't locked. You see, when we moved in our landlord didn't have any keys to the house, so we installed deadbolts on the front and back doors so we could actually lock the house. However, if the actual doorknobs get locked we have NO keys to them. Of course my daughter thought it would be a good idea to lock the doorknob! Thankfully the sliding back door wasn't locked! I knew I needed to run back to the store to get more Poweraids because they were going fast at that price. My kids have been doing good with bribery lately, so I told them if they were good they could each get an Otter Pop when we got home. Sure enough within 30 seconds of walking in my son was crying because my daughter hit him. I loaded up all the poweraids, meanwhile my kids were driving me nuts. You can imagine how much 38 poweraids weighs, plus my 5 year old kept hanging on to the cart making it nearly impossible to push. The cashier ran me up and the total seemed really high ($33). I didn't question it and paid. I went over the the customer service counter and added everything up. I got 44 items at .50 each, so that is only $22. I went and talked to the manager and he said, oh there's a limit of 12 on those. I was super annoyed and thought "Maybe you should put that on your sign!". He was super nice and give me the difference back. As we were leaning I kept reminding my son not to walk right in front of the cart, he didn't listen and sure enough I bumped into him. He fell and spent the next 5 minutes screaming. As I tried to load up my poweraids one of the cases broke causing 2 to fall to the ground and start to roll away. My son was still screaming as I grabbed them and threw them into the truck. I was at my whits end. We got home, my daughter check the mail and brought it in.
Once I got everything put away I glanced at the mail. I had a letter from my husband's insurance company. Want ANOTHER back story? Last summer when I had to go off of Procaz my doctor prescribed Celexa, and said if that didn't work then try Welbutrin. Celexa made me miserable. The side effects were horrible and it didn't help my depression much. I went to get the Welbutrin and it was $100 for 1 month, no thanks!
So, now that we have insurance I got my Welbutrin filled and with the insurance it was only $10! Today I got a letter from the insurance company saying they only pay for one medication twice and then you have to pay FULL PRICE. You're kidding me right? What is the point of having insurance if they pay nothing? This is a medication I might be taking forever and will need it filled 12 times a year. Meaning I'm going to have to pay $1,020 on top of paying to have insurance!?!?! At this point I lost it and broke down in tears.
My kids have been super grumpy, fighting and screaming all day. I'm done.
I have 2 orders that I have NO idea how I'm going to fill. You see, well, it's a really long story... Short version, we used to have a Heat Press but no longer have it until we buy a new one. So I've been stressing out about how I'm going to fill these 2 ordered (one of them being for 22 shirts!!!) without the machine I need to make them!!!!
I believe I will take a nap and hope I wake up in a better mood!
UPDATE: I got a short nap in. I woke up feeling so much better! Sometimes when my head is so full of negative thoughts or stress sleep re-sets it! I tried to look at the positive in this this afternoon. My daughter has a doctors appointment. Last time we went in there we waited 2 hours before she was seen. This time they told me I can call in at her app. time and check in, then they call me when it's time to come in! They said they are about an hour behind right now. I was able to whip up dinner before we go. I know I' not going to have time to cook, let alone eat between her doctors appointment and scouts tonight. Her appointment was at 4 and scouts was at 6:30, can you guess what time we were seen at the doctors? Yep, 6:30!
Tips from today:
Naps fix a lot of things!
Try this french toast. It is amazing (and we were out of vanilla and I used cheap $1 Smith's bread)
Watch The Book of Life. Great movie!!!
If you have never had it, try Cowboy Casserole!
The more that keeps going wrong the more I get discourage. I'm trying so hard to get rid of my negative thoughts, but I can't help but wonder, Will things EVER go right? I'm I just destined to have a horribly rough life?
Things were great for a few days. Everything was going smoothly. Yesterday things turned upside down.
I got up and was about to get ready to take my kids to the movies when my husband texts me saying he took the truck. Which can only mean one thing, his car wouldn't start. Meaning I can't take my kids to the movies. I had my week planned. That one little change completely threw me though a loop.
Tuesday I was to- Take the kids to the movies and then work the rest of the day. I had 3 orders to finish. Then my daughter's pre-school picture at 6:30.
Wednesday is my cleaning day. I also had play group at 11:30, my daughter's doctor appointment at 4, and scouts at 6:30.
At first I figured, I'll just switch the days. I'll doing cleaning this Tuesday and not work at all. Wednesday I'll take the kids to the movies, play group, work from 1 to 3:30, take my daughter to the doctor and then if I'm lucky be done before scouts starts. I was a little stressed, but didn't feel too overwhelmed. I cleaned my house until my arm hurt, my husband brought back the truck and I was able to run 4 errands. My husband wanted to go out on a date, specifically to see Jurassic World. So I texted my friend to see if she could baby-sit. No response... Things were starting to settle down, I sat down on the couch to watch Once Upon a Time before getting back to cleaning, or making dinner, or something productive. Halfway through the episode I get a message on Facebook, "So, is my order going to be ready by tomorrow at 2 because I'm leaning town." Crap, I forgot I promised her I would squeeze it in on Tuesday. Then I switched Tuesday with Wednesday so my orders were bumped a day. Looks like I get to work today after all. Around that same time I get a text, "Can I pick up my order today, or is tomorrow better?" Um, yeah, also another order which was supposed to be cut and ready Tuesday... You've got to be kidding me. I scrambled around designing the first job, figuring out what to put it on, the customer going back and forth about what color she wanted, got my other 2 jobs cutting, hurried to make dinner, the second it was out of the oven I had to rush to get my daughter dressed for her pre-school/ dance pictures. Just the thought of those stressed me out! Way back 2 months ago the dance studio had all the girls pictures done, both individual ones and group ones. They told us right away they didn't get a good group shoot, I guess one little girls bangs were blowing and not all the girls were smiling. Didn't sound that bad to me. My daughter's pre-school teacher said they would show us the picture and let us decide if we wanted to re-take it or just take the one they got. Long story short, they re-took them last night. I was fuming because my daughter broke her arm 2 weeks ago and has a huge cast. I told the photographer, "DO NOT get her cast in the picture!" By this time it is 6:30, I knew pictures were going to take 45 minutes to an hour, plus I had to go home and finish those 3 jobs. My friend texts me back saying she can watch the kids. I told her, we weren't going so we will try next week. She asked why. By this point I was so done with the crazy day I didn't even respond.
Another back story: About 3 to 4 weeks ago I started having this really bad soar throat. I figured it would go away, which it never did. I was waiting for my husband's insurance to send us our cards so I could go to the doctor. Within 24 hours of getting the cards I was at my doctors office. He told me if was due to my allergies and my "post nasal drip" was irritating my throat. He gave me 2 prescriptions. One was for 5 days and the other was to use after those 5 days.
Wednesday morning... I had finished the 5 day prescription on Tueday so naturally I woke up Wednesday with the horribly soar throat back! I tired the new prescription, but it did nothing! I've tried 2 other home remedies and still no luck! I woke up before the kids! Crazy that never happens. I asked them what they wanted for breakfast while looking for ideas on Pinterest. I found an easy donut recipe I figured I could whip out before the movie. Back story here- Last week when I was going grocery shopping I asked my husband if I needed to buy flour, he said no we have plenty but we did need sugar. Back to today, can you guess what happened? I pulled out all the ingredients before even checking the flour, I went to get it and found the jar empty. I check the pantry, also empty. My other idea for breakfast was french toast, except we only had wheat bread and I just can't do wheat breed french toast. Off to the store we went. While there I noticed they had Poweraid on sale for .50 cents. I got 8 of them, finished my shopping and went home. By this time I didn't have time to do the donuts. My daughter started trowing a fit. I have discovered that if I explain things to her and give her simple options she handles things so much better. I told her we didn't have time for both donuts and the movie, so she could pick which one she would rather do. The movie we were going to see is part of a Summer thing, so they only run Mon, Tues, and Wed at 10, then the next week it's a different movie. So it was our last chance to see this movie. I reminded her we could make donuts another day. She decided she would rather go to the movies. I got to making the french toast and things were going smoothly. I went to get something out of my purse and I realized that when I went shopping I didn't use my coupons. I know, not a huge deal, but 3 products I bought the only reason I was buying them was because I had coupons. One was for a free box of cereal, which apparently I paid full price for!
I texted my husband asking if he wanted me to get more poweraids, which he later said he did. We went to the movie, it was really good. We got home, I went to open our back door and it was locked. Panic quickly set in and I hoped that our sliding back door wasn't locked. You see, when we moved in our landlord didn't have any keys to the house, so we installed deadbolts on the front and back doors so we could actually lock the house. However, if the actual doorknobs get locked we have NO keys to them. Of course my daughter thought it would be a good idea to lock the doorknob! Thankfully the sliding back door wasn't locked! I knew I needed to run back to the store to get more Poweraids because they were going fast at that price. My kids have been doing good with bribery lately, so I told them if they were good they could each get an Otter Pop when we got home. Sure enough within 30 seconds of walking in my son was crying because my daughter hit him. I loaded up all the poweraids, meanwhile my kids were driving me nuts. You can imagine how much 38 poweraids weighs, plus my 5 year old kept hanging on to the cart making it nearly impossible to push. The cashier ran me up and the total seemed really high ($33). I didn't question it and paid. I went over the the customer service counter and added everything up. I got 44 items at .50 each, so that is only $22. I went and talked to the manager and he said, oh there's a limit of 12 on those. I was super annoyed and thought "Maybe you should put that on your sign!". He was super nice and give me the difference back. As we were leaning I kept reminding my son not to walk right in front of the cart, he didn't listen and sure enough I bumped into him. He fell and spent the next 5 minutes screaming. As I tried to load up my poweraids one of the cases broke causing 2 to fall to the ground and start to roll away. My son was still screaming as I grabbed them and threw them into the truck. I was at my whits end. We got home, my daughter check the mail and brought it in.
Once I got everything put away I glanced at the mail. I had a letter from my husband's insurance company. Want ANOTHER back story? Last summer when I had to go off of Procaz my doctor prescribed Celexa, and said if that didn't work then try Welbutrin. Celexa made me miserable. The side effects were horrible and it didn't help my depression much. I went to get the Welbutrin and it was $100 for 1 month, no thanks!
So, now that we have insurance I got my Welbutrin filled and with the insurance it was only $10! Today I got a letter from the insurance company saying they only pay for one medication twice and then you have to pay FULL PRICE. You're kidding me right? What is the point of having insurance if they pay nothing? This is a medication I might be taking forever and will need it filled 12 times a year. Meaning I'm going to have to pay $1,020 on top of paying to have insurance!?!?! At this point I lost it and broke down in tears.
My kids have been super grumpy, fighting and screaming all day. I'm done.
I have 2 orders that I have NO idea how I'm going to fill. You see, well, it's a really long story... Short version, we used to have a Heat Press but no longer have it until we buy a new one. So I've been stressing out about how I'm going to fill these 2 ordered (one of them being for 22 shirts!!!) without the machine I need to make them!!!!
I believe I will take a nap and hope I wake up in a better mood!
UPDATE: I got a short nap in. I woke up feeling so much better! Sometimes when my head is so full of negative thoughts or stress sleep re-sets it! I tried to look at the positive in this this afternoon. My daughter has a doctors appointment. Last time we went in there we waited 2 hours before she was seen. This time they told me I can call in at her app. time and check in, then they call me when it's time to come in! They said they are about an hour behind right now. I was able to whip up dinner before we go. I know I' not going to have time to cook, let alone eat between her doctors appointment and scouts tonight. Her appointment was at 4 and scouts was at 6:30, can you guess what time we were seen at the doctors? Yep, 6:30!
Tips from today:
Naps fix a lot of things!
Try this french toast. It is amazing (and we were out of vanilla and I used cheap $1 Smith's bread)
Watch The Book of Life. Great movie!!!
If you have never had it, try Cowboy Casserole!
Monday, June 15, 2015
6/15/15
Today was dark. Things haven't been this bad in a long time. About 1 1/2 years to be exact. I started a new medication last week. At first I felt amazing. I was on cloud 9. Maybe this is it, maybe this is the perfect medication for me.
I explained it to my husband like this, on the new medication everything seems very overwhelming. I have learned over the years a technique for not getting overwhelmed and stress relief. I sit down, relax my body, take deep breaths and concentrate on my breathing. It only takes me a few deep breaths to pull myself back together. I have realized that this works because it clears my mind. I get rid of all the negative or over whelming thoughts. I think about my breathing and it re-sets my system.
Friday things turned. I sat in my car thinking about how I was so sick of constantly fighting the depression. I was done. By the time I got home the feelings had left.
Today I found myself sitting my my car, in the same parking lot as Friday, thinking the same thing. I kept thinking, "I'm done. I give up. I've been fighting for nearly 30 years. I can't do it anymore." As I was driving home I tried to take deep breaths, but it was more like hyperventilating. So many over whelming thoughts swirled through my head. I felt like I was trapped in black tunnel and had been for years with no way out. It's hard not to give up. I got home and collapsed onto my bed. Oh how I wished I could just curl up and go to sleep. Can't I just go to sleep and wake up when life is better? I'm so tired of fighting this fight. Will it ever end?
When the anxiety hits me all at once my mind goes like this:
I've got to call the doctor pay this bill mail this envelope go to the store and get a price on shirts call this company maybe have to take daughter to the doctor. I can't do it all.
I was frazzled to say the least. I walked out to the living room and saw my daughter and I was able to pull myself together. My rational thinking was able to kick back in.
Okay, task one- Call doctor and find out what to do and if we will need to go in.
That's done, so now go run errands. First, pay the bill.
Next, mail envelope.
Oh hey look, the post office is next to the store I need to go to!
Got price quote.
Calling the company can wait until tomorrow.
I explained it to my husband like this, on the new medication everything seems very overwhelming. I have learned over the years a technique for not getting overwhelmed and stress relief. I sit down, relax my body, take deep breaths and concentrate on my breathing. It only takes me a few deep breaths to pull myself back together. I have realized that this works because it clears my mind. I get rid of all the negative or over whelming thoughts. I think about my breathing and it re-sets my system.
Friday things turned. I sat in my car thinking about how I was so sick of constantly fighting the depression. I was done. By the time I got home the feelings had left.
Today I found myself sitting my my car, in the same parking lot as Friday, thinking the same thing. I kept thinking, "I'm done. I give up. I've been fighting for nearly 30 years. I can't do it anymore." As I was driving home I tried to take deep breaths, but it was more like hyperventilating. So many over whelming thoughts swirled through my head. I felt like I was trapped in black tunnel and had been for years with no way out. It's hard not to give up. I got home and collapsed onto my bed. Oh how I wished I could just curl up and go to sleep. Can't I just go to sleep and wake up when life is better? I'm so tired of fighting this fight. Will it ever end?
When the anxiety hits me all at once my mind goes like this:
I've got to call the doctor pay this bill mail this envelope go to the store and get a price on shirts call this company maybe have to take daughter to the doctor. I can't do it all.
I was frazzled to say the least. I walked out to the living room and saw my daughter and I was able to pull myself together. My rational thinking was able to kick back in.
Okay, task one- Call doctor and find out what to do and if we will need to go in.
That's done, so now go run errands. First, pay the bill.
Next, mail envelope.
Oh hey look, the post office is next to the store I need to go to!
Got price quote.
Calling the company can wait until tomorrow.
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