1/22/15

I've learned a lot about depression in the past year.

Because of the things I have learned my perception of my Grandma has completely changed.
Growing up we weren't that close. I mean, I loved her and all, but I was closer to my Grandpa.

When I was 15 everything changed. All she would do was sleep and watch TV. She wasn't there for me emotionally at all. At the time I viewed her as lazy, selfish and uncaring. After her brother died, I feared coming home. For months I feared that when I got home I would find her dead.

As I've come to learn more about depression and can recognize that what she was going through was severe depression my perception of her has changed. I can now see that she was doing to best she could at the time. We are now really close and talk openly about the depression that we both struggle with.

I have even noticed some of the same characteristics that she had at the time that I now have. If it wasn't for my job that forces me to get up every morning, I'm sure I too would sleep majority of the day. When my depression is bad I find myself not able to emotionally be there for my kids. I'm not emotionally there for myself,  so it is impossible to be there for anyone else.