5/18/11

I have my boundaries with my Grandpa and they have worked really well.
#1) He isn't allowed alone with my daughter.
#2) Brad, daughter and I will not ride in the car with him driving.

What do you get when Both boundaries are crossed at the same time? He's lucky I didn't scream. But at the same time I think he was trying to piss me off, so I didn't let him see me mad.
I justified leaving my 18-month-old daughter with him. "oh she's going to sleeping and we're only going to be gone for a few minutes." NEVER again.

What happened? He picked her up out of her crib, put her in his truck without a car seat and drove 2 blocks away to the store. Remember, he's an alcoholic... I didn't believe him when he told me, no he wouldn't dare. My Grandma pointed out, that wasn't here when we left and it's here now, so yes he really did!

Ahhhh. I feel like a horrible mom for putting my little girl in danger! I can't imagine if something happened to her, especially at his hands!

4/26/11

I made it through the weekend visiting my grandparents. I never know which way it going to go- good or bad! It was a great visits, aside from him being a jerk. Sunday he was being grumpy, Em was sleeping and all of a sudden I hear him storm out of the house and slam the door, waking up Em! I went out and asked my grandma “What is he mad about now? His door slamming woke up the baby!” (okay, she’s almost 1 ½, but she’s my baby). Grandma, “Nothing’s wrong, he just went outside!” She often lies about his anger. Uggg, I really don’t like him! Brad and I also think that the alcohol has really messed up his brain! He just isn't all there mentally!

My grandma did mention her “group”. She attends an addiction and living with family members with addiction group. She mentions it once in a while. Everytime I mention counseling she refuses to think about it. I didn’t go there this time. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say to her, other than asking how her group is and telling her that’s good she going. I wish I could do more, but I can’t force her into something.

Sometimes I forget what I lived in. How on Earth did I make it through that! Sometimes I think, “How can my grandma keep doing it?” Other times I think, “She’s stronger than me for staying!” It wasn’t the first chance I had, but once things got bad enough I was out of there! She’s been married to him for almost 60 years!

4/22/11

We are at my parents. Most of the time he (Grandpa) is fine. Since I have moved out I can count on one hand the number of times he has said something to me that has been abusive or “crazy making”. But he still does it to his wife while we’re around….

I hate it. I ache for her. I couldn’t do it. I don’t know how she has stayed with him for so long!

This time they were outside so I couldn’t hear what his problem was this time. (He usually goes at it in front of us). When she came in I asked what he was mad about, “Oh nothing!” I literally walked away crying. I feel so sad for her. First of all, she has to put up with him. Then she can’t even talk to me about it! I get to go home to where things are happy, safe, and secure and leave her in the chaos.

I haven’t said it enough today, He is psycho! We are only allowed to eat at ONE certain restaurant. We used to have a few choices. Last week was Brad’s birthday so I told him he can pick where we’d eat. But no, we have to eat at the abusive jerk’s pick (Marie Calender's). His one and only choice. At least the food is good, it just gets old going to the same restaurant over and over again. But for lunch my Grandma always wants to go to In N’ Out. She loves it, but is never allowed to eat there. So when we come to visit she gets an excuse to go there! Even if we don’t want it, we still go there with her so she can be happy for once.

I am so grateful for SOLE and counseling… I don’t know where I would be today without counseling!

I’m so glad Brad is nothing like that! Last week I was mad at him because he didn’t do the dishes when I asked him to. Sometimes I forget it could be worse. Much, much worse!