9/12/10

A different kind of loss...
Back in June some emotions got stirred up in me and I all of a sudden remembered something that happened 18 years ago. My cousin blogged about Grandparents Day at her kids school and how her parents were able to go. Today is National Grandparents Day. To the best of my memory this even was 18 years ago today. (well, back in 1992 it was on Sept. 13)

It was Grandparents Day at my school. My mom had just passes away the December before. I remember sitting in the multi-purpose room and there was some program or something like it going on. I remember sitting there feeling sad and a sense of loss. My mom had just died, her parents adopted me making them my parents, meaning I too lost my grandparents. I felt as if they too had died. That connection I had to them as my grandparents was gone.

And for nearly 18 years I blocked out that memory. I forgot about that little girl, sitting in that room, feeling sad. She was still trying to mourn the loss of her mom, but also feels the loss of her grandparents.

One thing I have always admired in my parents is that at Christmas they always made sure to give presents from both Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa. I'm not just saying that because I get twice as many presents, But I LOVE that they acknowledge both those relationships.

So little girl, it's okay to mourn that loss of that relationship. But they never forget that they are both mom and dad and also grandma and grandpa.

9/4/10

Like I had mentioned before, my sister and I don't always get along. At times I have tried to work on our relationship, but it hasn't always worked out like I had planned or hoped. I have not physically seen her for a year and a half. This weekend we are both in town visiting our parents together. We're staying different places, but obvious we still see each other and are spending time in the same room. I didn't know what to expect. But I have prepared.

Even though we don't always see eye to eye or get along 100% of the time, my object is to be nice and attempt to get along. This also was the first time she would meet Em. The main reason Brad and I came to town was for my cousin's twins baptism. While at the church Em got passed around to different family members. At one point Brad told me to look, my sister was holding Em. One of my cousin kept wanting to hold Em again, but I told her, No let my sister hold her this is the first time she's met her.

During the luncheon my niece and nephews kept coming over and talking to Em and I. She was again getting passed around and I look over and my brother-in-law had her. My cute little niece was loving holding her, I got some cute pictures of them too.

Afterwards I was texting MacKenzie and she asked how things were with my sis. I told about her holding Em and she responded, "You let her hold your daughter?" I told her, "I'm trying with my sister. The object is to be civil. I'm not opening myself up for getting hurt, but I'm putting forth and effort."

How much worse would I make things if I said, "No. You have treated me horribly at times so no you can NOT hold my child!" That would only make things worst. I also thought about it in another was, is my child in physical danger by my sister holding her, No. Now, if it were someone like Jack, would I let him hold her, No. I even let my Grandpa around her. At the luncheon I was about to eat and he wasn't so I had him hold her while I eat. I'm 99% sure he isn't standing there whispering verbal abuse to her, so I'm okay with that. So far this trip, no incidences (knock on wood)... But as James has pointed out, I'm so protective of my daughter, I do NOT let dad do anything in front of her or around her!

We got together again for dinner and for my niece and nephew's birthday parties. Where I once again found my sister hold my little girl. I got some pictures of my sis with her and also was proud of the fact that I got a picture of all my Mom's grandkids and for once I have a kid in it!