1/25/2004

Tuesday with Joy was alright. I was all talkative before I left & then I got there I'm all quiet. That is just so me though. I go again Tuesday and then I have to be in Provo by 2. Today at church, right before Relief Society Bishop W came in & we talked for a minute. He asked if I have moved yet & I told him no, not until February. He asked if I was still at home & I told him that I have been living with my uncle for a few months. He got this big smile like, 'She finally listened to me!'. He said I looked happier. I guess I am. I will ever more after we move.

1/18/2004

After last Sunday, talking to Hayley about the church & abuse I decided that I am going to write a book about it! Seriously, I want to. Lately I've been listening to the CD I made for Hayley and I. I called it the "Out of it Mix". Some of the songs are just powerful & I feel have to do with overcoming abuse. I think one of the best things you can do is write in a journal! You get all your thoughts & feelings out. I love going back and reading things I have wrote and what I have been through.

1/11/2004

I am going to quit my job! I went from an abusive home to abusive work environment, not good. I love the baby but I can't deal with his parents. (FYI, I was a nanny). This had been stressful for me and a lot of things emotionally are piling up at once. After dinner I went to Hayley's. We made brownies, played Uno and spoons and later we went to the park. We walked & talked, I love doing that. I just vented about certain things like everything with my family. How my mom keeps turning it around & blaming the abuse on me! Hayley brought up that she could tell I was about to start crying during church. I almost did, I almost walked out too! Certain songs I guess bug me, like the closing hymn, Love at Home. Does the church ever think about the people who don't know what it is like to have love & all that good stuff at home? I know I want it for my kids, but it is hard to explain.