4/30/2003

Dear Sister Parker,

I don’t know what to do about anything in my life right now. I’m so confused about everything. Everything seems to be going wrong right now. I don’t know what to do about my dad, my mom, school and everything else.

I feel miserable all the time. I can have a perfect day at school, seminary and baby-sitting and then I come home and it’s all gone. No matter what I do, I just feel horrible here. When I am home I start doubting everything.

I’m tired of putting up with everything I have always put up with. Ignoring my dad is only making it worse. I remember my sister going through these same things 2 years ago. My Bishop told me that I should get a job at night so that I won’t be home when things usually get bad. I actually am going to be working at night starting in June, but it only makes my dad madder when I’m not home at night. His drinking has only gotten worst in the past few years. My mom is addicted to pain pills and is kind of crazy. I can’t stand to be around either of my parents.

I have never felt so alone in my life. I just ignore my parents all the time and my sister is never home anymore. My best friend now lives in a different state. I don’t have anyone to talk to and I’m starting to just keep everything to myself. It has only made things worst.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I feel like this when I am home, I can’t explain it. I don’t feel like that in the morning or when I’m not home, just at night. What can I do to make these feelings and doubts go away. I don’t know what to do.

4/2003

(I'm 18 at this time)
It was a Sunday afternoon in April 2003. I was 18 at the time. I don’t remember now what started it, all I remember is my dad yelling at me like he did all the time. He told me, as he had many times before, “Get out of MY house!”. For the first time I left. My mom and sister begged me not to leave, but I did. I drove around crying and confused. What should I do? Who could I turn to for help?

I found myself at my seminary teacher’s house (Sister Parker). I was standing there crying when she answered the door. She invited me in and asked what was wrong. I told her that my dad has just kicked me out. We went into her living room and talked. As she talked she asked me if my dad ever hit me, I told her no. Then she asked, “But, he verbally abuses you?” I told her, Yes. It was the first time in my life I had admitted it, even to myself that my dad was verbally abusive.

Sister Parker told me that I needed to tell my bishop. This was SO hard for me! I thought a lot about it and I knew she was right. Finally I went to my bishops house and asked to talk to him. We went into his office and talked. I can't remember a single thing either of us said, but it was that day that I started to trust him. That was the beginning of my road to healing.